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Office of Governor Brian Schweitzer / Public domain

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation facilities using the Type-34K Decontamination System are to upgrade or downgrade as appropriate to their respective budgets. If this is not feasible, sites who cannot operate without their Type-34K Decontamination System are to dispatch all lawyers who arrive as expediently as possible. Standard issue sidearms are generally sufficient for this task; over-enthusiastic adherence to this procedure will result in official investigations.

Description: SCP-XXXX is the Type-34K Decontamination Systemâ„¢, which is distinct from the Type-34K Decontamination System.

Developed in 1996 by Foundation radiological experts at Site-47, the Type-34K Decontamination System greatly reduced worldwide Foundation fatality rates due to acute radiation poisoning. Compared to its predecessor, the Type-34K was not only effective as a decontamination system, but also capable of countering the effects of recent gamma ray exposure. Since 1996, it had been in use across the global operational area until December 23, 2019.

SCP-XXXX was first discovered when the Foundation was sued for trademark infringement at the Nebraska state court. Due to a lack of anomalous activity, no embedded agents were able to dismiss the case immediately. Similarly, an individual claiming to be "Alvin Grass, Attorney at Law" arrived at Site-822 in Lincoln, Nebraska to deliver the lawsuit against the Foundation. Although quickly neutralized by site security, an inspection of the lawsuit revealed accurate accounting of the location of every Type-34K Decontamination System in use. Extra copies of the lawsuit were received every 5 minutes when Alvin Grass continuously arrived to deliver the suit until the case was expunged from the Nebraska State Court. The lawsuit would then be filed to the Montgomery County District Court in Maryland. This was shortly followed by Alvin Grass' arrival, subsequent neutralization, and repeated arrivals until the suit was expunged from the district court.

Once the process repeated again in Istanbul and Site-377, respectively, Foundation sites worldwide were instructed to either uninstall the systems or, if necessary, upgrade to the Type-35A that had been developed in 2011.

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