Floppy's SCPDraft Swap Entry

Originally written by Elogee FishTruck

Reworked by Lt Flops

rating: 0+x
Item Number: SCP-4240 Level 2/4240
Object Class: Safe Classified


SCP-4240 in an inert state.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4240 and SCP-4240-1 are kept in separate standard containment lockers. All testing with SCP-4240 is to be approved by the current project leader before application.

Description: SCP-4240 is a bar of soap composed of a hard mixture of potassium hydroxide and an unknown oil. SCP-4240 displays several unique properties:

  • SCP-4240 is impervious to damage, which includes resistance to fire and forces in excess of 20 MPa.
  • SCP-4240 is luminescent and emits EM radiation between 500 and 550 nm, corresponding to green light of 400 lumens.
  • SCP-4240 has variable scents; recorded scents include wet cardboard, lasagna, seal blubber, liquid copper, sulfuric acid, volcanic ash, and SCP-3400.
  • SCP-4240's underside is inscribed with 5 unknown symbols, causing mild inebriation when observed.

When any person uses SCP-4240 to wash (typically involving exposure to water and physical contact), they will become convinced that SCP-4240 is a divine object. Communicable cognitohazardous effects include the idea that those holding the soap possess dominance over those who do not, and the compulsion to proselytize about one's beliefs. This effect persists for approximately 24 hours after contact with SCP-4240.

SCP-4240-1 is an electronic tablet composed of a touchscreen of foreign make and two metal grips. The tablet contains a series of rituals that can be carried out on SCP-4240. These rituals are detailed in over 200 different languages, including English and documented anomalous languages.

When a person completes the rituals described in SCP-4240-1, SCP-4240 will become inert for an unspecified period (observed durations range from 10 minutes to 33 hours). During this, SCP-4240 functions typical to non-anomalous soap, albeit without any associated scent; SCP-4240 regains its anomalous traits after the observed duration is complete.

Addendum 4240-A: Contents of SCP-4240-1

(Translated into Modern English)

WARNING: Only for individuals within Higher Reigadon Species. If lost and recovered by LOWER ONES, please inform the Higher Reigadon Office via Hypermail Packet. Do not attempt Ritual for Sacred Soap if outside the Higher Reigadon. Punishment for LOWER ONES will be handled accordingly.

1.) Hold Sacred Soap 2 cubits above ground with an outstretched front-most left appendage. Hold a spear moulded in gold perpendicular to the ground with an outstretched front-most right appendage. The bottom of the spear must touch the ground, as the warriors of the K'yak Offense Force once did.

2.) Vocalize the starting phrase: "Redis Aquej'diawec". The Sacred Soap should turn a holy violet, like the fur of an Eight-limbed Secidrel.

3.) Lay the golden spear flat on your consumption area.

WARNING: The consumption area dedicated to ONLY BARYONIC LIQUIDS… Please. We cannot risk another Mistake.

4.) Place Sacred Soap in the same front-most right appendage using the front-most left appendage. Be gentle.

5.) Submerge Sacred Soap in a small bowl containing the milk of either a Spotted Pintezin or an Earthen Bovine. The Sacred Soap must be submerged for a period of 10 units1 before removal. At this point, Sacred Soap should glow a heavenly blue, like the vast oceans of Valthabar.

WARNING: If Earthen Bovines are used, please leave a note of notice in standard Bovine Circular Script using the provided crops. Dream Bovines must not be used under threat of carnal flagellation.

6.) Start a small fire and fuel the flames with seeds of 3 different kinds of fruits, 20 different igneous rocks, the still-beating heart of a Freshwater Wahoosian, and a piece of wood inscribed with the symbols carved on Sacred Soap.

7.) Step into the fire slowly. Stand within it for a period of 45 units, raising the Sacred Soap into the air. If done correctly, the fire shouldn't be able to cause any harm. After 45 units have passed, run out from within the fire with Sacred Soap in hand.

8.) Continue running in a straight line for 2187 cubits. Once the km threshold has been passed, stop and repeat the Chant of the Ancient Reigadons2 from memory while holding Sacred Soap in the direction of the nearest star.

9.) Run back, in a straight line, to the location of the fire, which should've gone out by the time you go back, and grab the golden spear. Stab the golden spear into the back of the Sacred Soap. The golden spear should disintegrate and Sacred Soap should glow a bright yellow for a period of 5 seconds. After this period is done, it is time to use Sacred Soap.

Addendum 4240-B: The Chant of the Ancient Reigadons The Chant of the Ancient Reigadons can be accessed with SCP-4240-1 by clicking the phrase "Chant of the Ancient Reigadons" in Step 8 of the ritual page. This will generate the entire text for the Chant of the Ancient Reigadons, as follows:

Fathers, mothers, parents of us all
We are the spawn who will not fall
From ancient blood, we can stand tall
Our dominion has no walls
And with Wahoosian slavery
There stands the almighty king
With Sacred Soap, our empire sings
Thank you, Ancient Reigadons, for this wonderful thing

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