aaa i don't need to deal with this, I am the Queen Of Fear, BIXBYYYYY

Welcome to the COB HUB.

Please, keep suffering to a minimum while you're visiting. The residents do not like loud noises.

ant

Description: SCP-X is an interspecies specific social phenomenon, typically between an adolescent human (hereafter referred to as subject) and a colony of ants. SCP-X typically consists of an event in life where the subject encounters an anthill and proceeds to terminate it. Details vary between instances, such as ant species and methods of destruction, but is invariably viewed and remembered upon favorably. Memories regarding SCP-X are considered nostalgic, and interviews regarding SCP-X are significantly easier to conduct, given that Foundation employees also experienced SCP-X at some point in their lives.

SCP-X itself can be prevented, via methods such as confinement, where the subject will never encounter an anthill. These exceptions to SCP-X would instead dream or imagine about undergoing SCP-X, despite never being told about SCP-X, suggesting that SCP-X is somewhat infohazardous.

Discovery: On 11/22/13, a video was uploaded to YouTube documenting a metalworking project in which molten aluminum was poured into an ant colony, after which the cooled aluminum was excavated and displayed.

This led to massive success for the content creator, and several additional channels will begin to do the same, destroying anthills in increasingly creative and destructive ways. Several chatrooms will be established on multiple hostsites, dedicated to discussing topics about SCP-X.

Additionally, several prominent user profiles that advocate for pacifism and animal rights have commented on the video positively, despite doing the opposite in other animal related media.

Project Proposal: X/1
Direction: Human Resources Division (HR)

Status: Completed

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Overview: Given SCP-X's high potential for Interpersonal Relatability Compassion Index, SCP-X is to be introduced as an ice breaker in social events and interviews with non-Foundation personnel.

Complications: None.

Project Proposal: X/2
Direction: Ethics Subcommittee for Humanoid Anomalies (ESHA) and Ethics Committee for Sentient and Sapient Anomalies (ECSSA)

Status: Completed

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Overview: In specific cases where anomalies have been contained since adolescence and has not experienced SCP-X, or have been created without the experience of SCP-X, they will further be denied SCP-X for a minimum of a year after maturity into adulthood, after which they will be exposed to SCP-X, dependent on circumstances regarding containment.

Additionally, .aics should be introduced to SCP-X, preferably with a digital reconstruction of an ant colony.

Complications: None.

Project Proposal: X/7
Direction: Department of Extrauniversal Affairs (DEuA)

Status: Classified

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Overview: Establishing better relations with extrauniversal organizations, which can include but is not limited to extrauniversal Foundations, Three Moons Intiative, and the Serpents Hand.

Complications: N/A

A Quick Shortcut for Crit

As per the Draft Forum Policy, you need to get two greenlights from experienced reviewers in the Ideas Critique Forum or the IRC before posting here in the Drafts Critique Forum.

Also, when posting in the Ideas Critique Forum, as per the Draft Forum Policy, you must follow the template. It cannot exceed 400 words.

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This is an UNOFFICIAL announcement, created by JustBixby.
This page is currently under maintenance.

This is NOT a complete SCP article/GOI format/tale.

Probably just the author uploading images/tags to the page. Please, come back later when this thing is finalized. It'll be better, so until then, just chill.

(｡•́︿•̀｡)

beryllium bronze

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-X

NO

THIS DECLASS IS NOT A DECLASS THAT WILL EVER

dado

#SCP-dado, "dado"

Author: djkaktus http://www.scp-wiki.net/djkaktus

Object Class: Based

Greetings everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, declassing dado, of all things. "Why are you declassing dado, of all things?" you may be saying. Well, here's the thing. dado is one of many unrelated controversial characters on the SCP wiki, due to his general shitposty kind of writing style and the incessant weirdness that comes with the territory. dado is home to all sorts of shitty spam and deleted drafts, so I'm here to talk about why, and how you! Yes, you! Can write a better dado article.

Also, this is an analytical declass. I have never written for dado, nor have I read every single article of dado. This is not an authoritative declass, and to profess it as such is a disservice to present and future writers of the dado canon. Basically, what I say here must be taken as helpful pointers as opposed to the de facto guide on writing dado. You have been warned.

There's also an actual writing guide for dado, located in the dado hub http://www.scp-wiki.net/dado-hub at the very end, though it could use some exposition. Anyways.

Let's begin.

---

So who is dado? The reader thinks they know, the writer hopes they know. So… who is he, really?

u trust dado

Well, it could be anything. He's a brilliant parapharmaceuticist, if a bit misguided. He's an insane entrepreneur, going where no man has gone before (or have not because it's a terrible idea). He's an eldritch abomination, ready to tear the world apart from the Foundation up, disguising himself as an enigma to throw off would be thwarts. He's all of these things, and yet he is none of these things. See, dado is not a doctor, or a businessman, or a monster. He's a narrative setting, a canon, if you would, where dado himself is the prompt.

Let me explain.

Many dado articles are lost to the void of the deletion range for a few reasons. I'll be going over some of these reasons, and do note, each article has their own in-depth reason for their strengths and shortcomings, and the reasons listed are gross generalizations. Please do not attribute articles with incorrect faults unless it is applicable as such.

Firstly, let's use a crude example of a newbie writing a dado article. Let's say that a bright newbie who read a few dado articles wanted to write their own article, do so, and then inevitably cry because their article got deleted. There may be a couple reasons that it got deleted, not owing to dado itself. Poor clinical language, terrible interview logs, awful formatting, etc.

Let's get into the dado specifics.

1) dado fine de liver goods

What do I mean by this?

Remember how I pointed out how dado can be any sort of things? Well, our little newbie here has gone and decided to play dado as the fool, and foolish alone. Maybe the newest business venture went South, or his latest pills do some wacky something that killed a person. Our newbie assumes dado is just this shitpost realized in fiction, when that couldn't be further from the case. Anyone can make an SCP about a man trying to sell something that no one in the right mind would want to buy, and then call that man dado. But that isn't dado, not really.

Yes, dado has his screw ups, and funky misunderstandings, but dado is not a fool. Far from it, he's extremely successful in all the wrong ways. The pills he makes do the thing he has advertised them to do, even if it is a pun on growing hare http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3802. Which leads to this contradictory but fitting conclusion.

dado is great at being terrible. He'll fucking deliver on any promise he makes, even if it kills his customers. And that is our first dado lesson. He's does not fail by accident, he fails on purpose, and by God, he'll fucking fail successfully.

2) dado good customer service

Historically, dado has never^{citation needed} solicited the service of his customers. He is his own thing, and people come to him for his work, which seems strange to me. He clearly mucks up a lot of his deals, which either means he has a memetic compulsion, forcing people to look to him for fine dado products, or he is, at heart, a true businessman.

While no canon requires me to say that there is no canon and therefore no answer, I'd like to believe the latter, that he truly is a great man to buy stuff from, which is why people call him all the time.

Which leads me to the next lesson.

dado isn't about the pills, or the weird business ventures, or the shitpost, but the people. The story needs to be centered around people. Let's take a look at the original article that spawned dado into existence, SCP-3521 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3521. Long story short, this is a pill which is supposed to kill people via radioactive potassium. Said rads can be found in bananas, in which dado stuffed billions of bananas into a pill in order to kill people. While this is entertaining, that isn't the only thing that came out of it.

In the article, we can assume a few things. In the text messages, the assassin was desperate enough to contact dado first while also tolerating dado's bullshittery, and the bag of SCP-3521 was found in a storehouse guarded by several gang members. This means that the bag was important enough to be guarded, so we can assume that the assassin have yet to use the pills or the assassination attempt was successful, thereby necessitating guards to keep it safe.

As you can see, dado isn't about the pills. dado is about the people, and all the ridiculousness that comes with dealing with people. The only reason this article happened at all was because of dado's interactions between himself and his customers. No assassin, no SCP-3521.

Let's take a look on the flip side, no murder, only good vibes, SCP-4257 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4257. Summarizing, it's about a pill that turns people into cars, but once again, it isn't about turning people into cars, it's about the people itself. Dave Gillespie is a man with cancer, who somehow gets into contact with dado, who is able to grant the man his dying wish, the ability to go to space. Of course, in typical dado fashion, its granted in an unconventional way, but is granted nonetheless, and is a happy ending for all involved.

3) dado create of part dements

Ah, yes. The most important dado quality of all. Creativity.

Now, there's a number of qualities all dado articles (and all articles in general) need to survive the trek into the new pages feed. They need to be well written, interesting, well paced, etc. While I could go on, none of them compare to the one quality dado truly needs, which is creativity.

Suppose I want to make a dado article of my own. Problem is, there's nothing in my head that I can come up with to make a good dado article. I know this because everything in my head is logical and concise, which runs counter intuitive to a good dado article. dado is ridiculous, illiterate, among other things, which makes it difficult to think like dado.

As such, ideas are hardly thought of and more blasted into your head. You cannot rush dado articles, so troll around a bit. Sure, you can write a pun and a difficult origin story, but better yet, just wait until inspiration strikes.

north declass

#SCP-001: North's Proposal - A Simple Toymaker

Author: Jim North http://www.scp-wiki.net/jim-north

Object Class: ???

Greetings everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, blessing today's subreddit with whimsy and delight…

Today, I'll be declassing my first SCP-001 proposal. God, how time passes us by. Just yesterday I was writing declasses on regular SCP articles. And here I am, going for the big leagues. Brings a tear to my eye…

North's Proposal is a unique article, and serves as a sort of meta commentary amalgamation on our leading professor of childish abandon, Dr. Wondertainment! Critical reception was particularly devisive on this one, middling in the negatives for the first couple of days before it broke out of the crazy and into the stars, among the countless upvotes! But… why?

Who knows! I could certainly try to analyze the logistics of voting http://www.scp-wiki.net/abolish-the-no-vote-downvote-your-friends-and-other-scp-crit and the effective power of the average wikidot account http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-value-of-the-no-vote, but I know for sure that I don't know shit about math or philosophy, and that you guys straight up don't have the time or energy to read such a mind numbing topic. If you're somehow interested in that, why are heck you here? Go to Harvard and read your stupid nerd papers. Make some money.

Anyways.

As I said before, North's Proposal is a strange article, but by all means is an easy to understand story. Go over there and read it for yourself, you won't regret it http://www.scp-wiki.net/jim-north-s-proposal. With that said, this is a literary analysis, and not a declarative one. But given the nature of this particular SCP, it's gonna get meta, and there's gonna be a fair bit of content to cover.

Let's get right into it.

Part One: Dunderscrumptious Delivious Darned Deviled Eggs!

Strange.

Object Class: Safe

A Safe class SCP-001? While Safe SCP-001's aren't unheard of, Safe generally means the anomaly will have implications outside of what it physically is. For example, Jonathan Ball's Proposal acts as a type of chicken or the egg scenario, whether anomalies are created by SCP-001 or SCP-001 helps contain the anomaly. So that begs the question, what would make this anomaly Safe but also deserve an SCP-001 slot?

Special Containment Procedures: Due to its relatively benign nature,

???

SCP-001's should be important. To describe one as benign is… out of the ordinary.

SCP-001 has been classified as Safe and no attempts to locate or directly contain it are to be made at this time. Containment efforts are to focus on the products that it generates, which are to be assigned individual designations and special containment procedures.

Not a fucking chance. This document is being screwed with. This thing should be Euclid at the very least.

SCP-001 is a male human known as "Dr. Wondertainment".

That explains it. This article is being written by Dr. Wondertainment themselves. Er, himself. This is gonna one of many weird quirks about Dr. Wondertainment, their gender is not exclusive. I'll explain this more later. Anyways, to summarize, this particular Dr. Wondertainment in Offset 0 is a mundane, G rated Dr. Wondertainment, making nice stuff marketed towards children.

You could consider this the most humble version of Dr. Wondertainment, but also the most heroic.

He had found The Factory.

The Factory is better explained in the actual tale itself http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001-o5, but to skim, is the pure manifestation of the logical extreme of capitalism. However, in this story, its been distilled, made simple but antagonistic. A blip in the story, an afterthought. Truly whimsy!

No.

No no no no.

I mean, yes. Yes, it's a nice story. It's all well and good, all very heartfelt, very intimate. But this is supposed to be an SCP-001 entry, is it not? We need something better than just "a nice story", don't you think?

This is shall be the first of many meta. I will be noting them but not covering them just yet. Conclusions stay in the conclusion section.

So in this particular segment, Wondertainment points out a few things, the first being the fact that SCP-001 should be dramatic or impactful. In universe, this simultaneously makes no sense and a lot of sense. SCP-001 isn't supposed to be read like a story, it's quite possibly the most important SCP entry in the SCP universe. However, because of that importance, SCP-001 could very well be dramatic, even if it wasn't supposed to be. In a way, Wondertainment is poking fun at the very nature of SCP-001.

We are now in Offset 1. The article is a bit more developed but not quite there yet.

Object Class: Euclid

As I said, not there yet. I'm willing to bet that Wondertainment is a Keter anomaly, since he's basically uncontained. But that's neither here nor there.

SCP-001 is a male human known as "Dr. Reginald Philbert Lionel Archibald Westinghouse Wondertainment III".

This is another version of Dr. Wondertainment, a newer, more certain Dr. Wondertainment, with a family tree's worth of Wondertainments. He's a major departure from the original Wondertainment, who was some random dude in the forest making toys for children, a sort of anomalous Santa Claus. Instead, this one was a powerhouse of a corporation to rival the Factory, with the exception that the Factory stuck with Wondertainment.

Offset 1 Wondertainment is also a more edgy Wondertainment, an early prototype, of which created the Little Mister series.

Examples include Mr. Fish http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-527, Mr. Laugh http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1799, Mr. Soap http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1908, and Ms. Sweetie http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2396.

While the Little Misters series looks like a Wondertainment type of product from the outside, it tastes like ethics violations and illegal human experimentation. To begin with, the Little Misters are living people, put through the process of

Part Two: Pumpernickel Paparazzi Pravita Peppa Pie!

Part Three: Razzle-n-Dazzle Rumble Tumble Dumdum R&D Rolled Danishes!

5656

#SCP-5656 -

Author: Pedantique http://www.scp-wiki.net/pedantique-personnel-file

5510

#SCP-5510 -

Author: Pedantique http://www.scp-wiki.net/pedantique-personnel-file

4525

#SCP-4525 - u come 2 dado go

Author: DrChandra http://www.scp-wiki.net/drchandra-s-author-page

Object Class: Euclid

Greetings everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, preparing myself for a massive onslaught of terrible, over baked memes. Dear reader, this is a rally for you. Yes, you! I need you to prepare your best (or worst, I don't really care) dado copypastas and start spamming them in the comments. We both know how much this needs to happen. So what're you waiting for? Let's begin.

Foreward: this declass isn't that declassy. SCP-4525 isn't that difficult to understand, but it sure as hell is fun. You should read it here http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4525. Anyways, since this will be a chill declass, I'll be declassing how fun it is and the references it makes. Also, how to dado.

Part One:

The conprocs are pretty simple. Keep it boarded up and locked. We also know it's extradimensional because it has multiple entrances in random places.

Any discovered entrances to SCP-4525 are to be padlocked, barricaded, and monitored for any attempted or actual entry and egress

SCP-4525 is also advertised, noted here.

Field agents and media monitoring systems are to remain on alert for any advertisements for SCP-4525

This tells us that SCP-4525 is a commercial venture of anomalous proportions. But that's obvious in the description so we'll just go to that now.

SCP-4525 is a bulk grocery store of indeterminate size and unknown location.

Very extradimensional. Even uses Ways, certified Wanderers' Library stuff. Again, lots of references will be made.

all individuals will be paired with an instance of SCP-4525-1, 84 cm tall quadrupedal robots with a single front-mounted arm, similar to the SpotMini https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Dynamics#SpotMini produced by Boston Dynamics.

From a meta standpoint, the practice of referencing real life stuff is rare. It's a sort of strange, unspoken rule that utilizing real life constructs would generally result in a bad SCP for any sort of reason, because that's what newbie SCP writers commonly do. For example, they would use something like a Nokia and make it actually unbreakable, and turn that into an SCP, which eventually gets downvoted. That doesn't mean using real life things is unacceptable, it just takes a bit more finesse to do. Take for instance, the Canadian Department of Oreo Conservation http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3975.

However, our SCP leans hard into the SpotMini, essentially being a ripoff. And who does anomalous ripoff in the SCP universe?

These robots are uniformly white with 'dado go' written on the side in black marker.

Fucking dado. There's our finesse, it takes a mechanical invention in real life and appropriates it, which is exactly the kind of shit da would do. That's character flavor, baby! The rest of the article is equally ridiculous, starting from the way SCP-4525 is discovered.

approximately 500 flyers advertising SCP-4525 were placed under the windshield wiper of Dr. Carver's personal vehicle while he was off-site at the Fairfax Shopping Plaza

This https://www.staples-3p.com/s7/is/image/Staples/s0527108_sc7?wid=512&hei=512. Anyways, I need to talk about dado from a storytelling standpoint, because it really needs to be done. By God, it does.

dado gets a lot of flak for being a lot of things. Firstly, dado is really easy to write poorly. Anyone can make up some random weird ass article about commercializing a product no one in the right mind wants, and just tack on dado for the sake of adding dado into the mix. This is poor writing, for the most part. This is a problem with oversimplifying dado, where people think he's just this wacky entrepreneur. He's more than that. He's a narrative setting.

dado fills a very unique but necessary niche by being an anomaly in the commercial business. You have powerhouses of technology like Anderson Robotics or the exclusive upper house society of MC&D, things that would be very rich, and then you have dado, local business owner and parapharmaceuticist. He's a complete bastard by being an incompetent businessman yet still has a literal monopoly over anomalous medicine. He has terrible customer relations but still manages to attract customers of every type. He revolves around making fun of concepts people can't easily make fun of, simply due to how they exist. Yes, MC&D can have funny moments, but more often than not, they'll be a merciless, cutthroat organization, monetizing slavery and other things not meant to be monetized.

In essence, he exists as a way to poke fun at capitalism, among other things. Once again, because of dado's existence as a narrative setting, he has flexibility in how he can be applied to writing. For example, these articles show him screwing with herbie http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4292 fucker http://www.scp-wiki.net/not-my-circus-not-my-monkeys. So what does this article do with dado? I'll answer that.

In this case, dado is used for the shameless appropriation of other people's ideas. He rips off Costco with his bulk store, uses Amazon Prime to "charge" his customers, has the SpotMini act as servants, and he does all this just for fun (in our perspective). He is straight booling. Anyways.

Owo what's this? An exploration log?

The first expedition into SCP-4525 was a covert preliminary assessment conducted using a plain-clothes D class… D-23545

I would just like to say I recognized this exact D-Class number from this kick ass tale http://www.scp-wiki.net/slice-of-life before it was crosslinked in the article. Please read it, it's very good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub82Xb1C8os

4726

#SCP-4726 - G A M E R M I L K

Author: Uncle Nicolini http://www.scp-wiki.net/uncle-nicolini-author-page

Object Class: Euclid

Greetings everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, ready to integrate with gamer culture. I got mountain dew, fedoras, and katanas, all arranged in a concentric circle with candles. This… this is how you do it, right? Anyways, I'm gonna be declassing mountain dew man. Yes. That is what I am doing. Declassing mountain dew man. Why the fuck

But seriously, SCP-4726 is fairly controversial in its own right. It has more comments than upvotes (as of writing), and there are quite a number of people voicing their dislike of SCP-4726. Firstly, I am not saying they are wrong. Everyone has their cup of tea, everyone is entitled to their up/downvotes. However, I want to voice my reasons why SCP-4726 is a good SCP, in my opinion.

5225

#SCP-5225 - "The Abyss Stares Back"

Authors: XilasCrowe & Deadly Bread http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-bread-box

Hello everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, and I had to analyze a massive wall of technobabble. Very fun, would do it again. Today, I'll be declassing SCP-5225, landing ourselves in the theoretical realm of noosphereic interactions. We're going to have fun. This is not a suggestion.

First things first, this will be a declass of the natural order. I'm going to be finding exactly what the fuck SCP-5225 is about. This is not a literary analysis. There will be no English teachers here.

Let's open the collapsible.

Part One: Arena

Object Class: Safe

Disruption Class: Ekhi

Risk Class: Critical

It's easy to contain but will kill everyone when it gets out. While those are fairly descriptive on their own, they don't provide nearly enough context to truly understand why these particular descriptions are used. They're much more nuanced than they seem. In order to better understand these terms, we'll have to cover the containment procedures and description. Check it out.

Special Containment Procedures: As SCP-5225 is organically self-contained, no additional containment procedures are necessary.

Organically self contained? Can't imagine how that looks, so we'll hold off on that when we get to the description.

5225/Obelisk-Events outside of controlled testing are to be halted as quickly as possible.

Ah, so there's something that SCP-5225 can do. This tells me two things. The Foundation wants SCP-5225 t

Part Two: Daggerfall

Part Three: Morrowind

Part Four: Oblivion

Part Five: Skyrim

4755

#SCP-4755 - When We Are Omnipotent

Author: Nagiros http://www.scp-wiki.net/nagiros-poi-file

Greetings all peoples! CorpseOfBixby here, haunting the top of the declassified reddit once again. Today, we'll be covering SCP-4755, in which the Foundation makes conceptual reality their bitch. Feels like a Wednesday to me.

1313

#SCP-1313 - Solve for Bear

Object Class: Keter

Author: MaliceAforethought http://www.scp-wiki.net/maliceaf-author-ght

Hello everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, living in pure existential dread due to the crushing realization that I am procrastinating severely on my homework for my online classes. But that's neither here nor there. Today, I'm declassing SCP-1313 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1313, the quirkiest quirk of mathematics since the coming of the SCP Foundation. Your brain will now start to hurt in 3… 2…

Threat Level: Orange http://scp-int.wikidot.com/niveaux-de-menace-des-objets-scp

My favorite international formatting. Orange basically means Keter, but make it Orange.

5002

#SCP-5002 - A Death In Containment

Author: psul http://www.scp-wiki.net/psuls-author-page

Greetings everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, going back in time for the cheese.

Today, we'll be looking at SCP-5002, written during the 5000 Contest http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp5000contesthub (duh). However, I'm gonna do the thing I did last time, literary analysis. English Teacher mode activated. Also, for fun, my resource at hand is Mystery TV Tropes https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MysteryTropes. Like, of course I'm gonna do that. We're going to have a lot of fun. For the tropes, I'm gonna be italicizing them so you don't think I'm just screaming random catchphrase-y words.

Anyways, my purpose here is to analyze exactly one question, and one question only. "What makes SCP-5002 a good mystery?" Keep this in mind.

Part One: Three Times Lucky

Let's start by talking thematic connection. When you're writing a detective novel, there are several things that quickly come to mind. Sherlock Holmes, red herrings, among other things. Written badly, they can be considered a cliche, but that's beside the point. We also have the SCP Foundation to keep in mind. After all, SCP-5002 is a mystery set in the Foundationverse. So what does that mean for SCP-5002? I'll answer that.

SCP-5002 should be anomalous. Absolutely, 100% anomalous. This doesn't sound groundbreaking, but you have to consider this. SCP-5002 may be the very first story that incorporates the anomalous into the mystery, and not make the mystery anomalous, so mundanity is absolutely unacceptable. We expect there to be an anomaly, some kind of magic trick that ascends the chains of reality. Even if we're not thinking that consciously, its something we've come to expect from every story by virtue of setting in the SCP Wiki.

Which leads to a paradoxical relation with mystery. (In my opinion) An ideal mystery is one where the reader can figure out the answer before the end of the story, one where enough clues and context is provided should the reader be clever enough to divine such answers. The author themselves mentioned that they wanted the mystery to be solvable by the end, and wrote it in that way. But then, we have the anomaly. Let's say a man dies. No obvious injuries. A single brainscan tells me he died of a cognitohazard, end of mystery. The alternative is also equally bad. Let's say there's a button which kills a random person whenever it's pressed. The mystery is unsolvable. Both are anomalous, but both make terrible mysteries on their own.

How do you reconcile the concept of the anomalous and the concept of mystery?

By making the answer mundane.

In order to make a solvable mystery, the answer needs to be something within the realm of possibility, something that we can conceivably entertain. A gun that happens to be able to kill anyone by teleporting a bullet into their heart is a bad mystery.

That doesn't mean that anomalies are bad for mysteries. It just generally requires the anomaly to be so complex that it'll make Meta Ike cry, and that's just to make the mystery difficult to solve. To begin with, regular complex SCPs that we declassify are already a mystery just to read and understand. Take a look at SCP-2719, notorious for being a mystery to understand. This means that in order to reconcile the anomalous and mysterious, anomalies have to be ancillary plot devices. It can still be in there, but it can't be the driving force.

And before we truly get into the article, I would love to discuss Chekhov's Gun. For those of you unaware, Chekhov's Gun is a principle in storytelling which basically says if you include something, it better be important. In mystery, this usually means that the author plays the defining role in dictating what elements are important and what elements are not. For example, the way SCP-5002 is structured, or how the characters are named…

Basically, we will assume everything is important and as intended. It's not only respectful, but expected.

Let's move onto the introductions. The title, along with the opening lines, tell us exactly what kind of mystery we're gonna get, which sticks to the Foundation style of formatting. Succinct, clinical, to the point, etc.

A Death In Containment

Object Class: Neutralized

An investigation into the death of SCP-5002 is ongoing.

We know this is a murder mystery, but by virtue of of existing, this is also a Whodunnit. Using the power of having read the entirety of SCP-5002, it's also a Fair Play Whodunnit. We can solve SCP-5002 if we're smart enough. As mentioned before, Chekhov's Gun will be our weapon of choice.

So! Who is our intrepid victim?

Emma Hastings

Summarizing her, she was an author living in the UK who wrote detective fiction. A bit on the nose, but sure. Whenever she re-read one of her published books, the events transpired would occur in reality, albeit with different names or locations. Narcissism comes hand in hand with reality bending, huh?

On 14 December 2019, at approximately 7:00am, SCP-5002 was discovered in bed, deceased. The containment cell was locked, and no evidence of forced entry was found.

Locked Room Mystery! The cameras that were operating only recorded Hastings, the door was never unlocked, and the SRAs were active (nothing like a good bit of Foundation flavor to get the mystery going).

Agent Ellen O'Connor, of the Department of Analytics, was instructed to conduct an investigation into the neutrali[z]ation of SCP-5002.

We are introduced to a disturbing number of characters in the Investigation Records, where Everybody is a Suspect. This also serves as rudimentary introductions to the characters themselves. It isn't much, but we can grasp a few things about them while we're here. I'll elaborate later, though.

Firstly I have to say, this is wonderful storytelling, because this Investigation Update takes place at the very end of the story, and not in the beginning. Talk about nonlinear storytelling. This is the first half of the Summation Gathering, where the detective speaks to everyone about his discoveries, which would then convict the murderer on scene. Narratively speaking, this doesn't follow the standard Foundation format, which (most of the time) places addenda in chronological order. However, because it unabashedly breaks the standard Foundation format while following the standard mystery genre format, we will let it go. For now. Please keep this in mind for the end.

This then opens into the evidence, four collapsibles worth of conviction collected by our detective. God, this is gonna be tough to summarize.

Part Two: The Hardy Boys

The first bit of information we get is… a news article from January 2017. The Investigation Update takes place in December 2019. What does this have to do with anything?

If you were paying attention to the people introduced, you would notice that Site Director of Site-06 name is Evelyn May. In the news article, the girl that was murdered as a result of SCP-5002's anomaly was named Kate Holloway. The parents are Peter and Evelyn Holloway. This is not a coincidence.

This is the very first article of evidence and we're already given spicy fucking clues. But only if you were paying attention. I invoke the principle, Chekhov's Gun! This will become the defining motive for the Site Director Evelyn May, and is frankly very fantastic mystery making.

The next bit of evidence is an Inventory Check of the scene of the crime. We've got quite a bit of goods here, like a bed covered in blood. And a sheet covered in blood. However, there's one bit of evidence that sticks out from the rest. A bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. This one is a bit of a stretch, but we have to remember that this is the Foundation. We can basically equate the Foundation to a prison, so giving the inmates alcohol is probably not allowed. SCP-5002 has a bottle of alcohol anyways, so we should look out for why.

First interview log!

One more thing I would like to point out. There are a buttload of characters (plus a few more) and all of them need proper exposure, in that everyone needs to have personality and motive. Time for a mini-lesson on the mechanics of proper character writing! Since we're in a mystery, the main points will be those two things. Personality is a nebulous concept regarding how a person reacts to external stimuli, i.e. their foil. For readers, personality is the hook. They want characters that not only feel real, but are interesting and unique. Is the character edgy and psychotic? Is the character aloof and clever? These are important for the mystery, like maybe this character is acting too happy when there's a dead person in the bathroom. That's personality, baby!

Now, motives are a bit more difficult to define. Mystery genre specific, this can be both external or internal, but motives are considered to be the "true personality". Once motive comes belly up, that's when the chips fall and people reveal their actual character. This should be a defining moment in the story, and usually comes into play in the summation gathering, as I mentioned before. This is where everyone is laid bare and the reader gets to feel smart (or dumb) as the detective finally resolves everything.

No personality means you've got robots for characters, and no motive means you've got a terrible mystery. Personality and motive are necessary components to meld together and form character and story. Obviously, this is very, very difficult. Wanna know how to do personality and motive? Let's analyze Agent O'Connor, Officer Lowry, and Dr. Grossenbacher.

First, Agent O'Connor is very serious about her work. While she is in the field, interviewing Officer Lowry, most of her dialogue comes in the form of questions. We can tell that she's used to her work, the questions come rapid fire, and come without hesitation, while also being very discerning.

Agent O'Connor: Officer Lowry, you are the regular overnight security official for Wing G, is that correct?

Agent O'Connor: Could you please answer the question, officer?

Agent O'Connor: No, thank you. And you discovered the body of SCP-5002 this morning, did you not?

Her personality is hardworking and focused, and her motive is justice. This is the easy one, since she's basically us, the reader. She's trying to solve a mystery, and it would be some serious anomalous shit if she was somehow the murderer.

Onto Officer Lowry, he's a little bit abrasive, a little bit like an average Joe. Even his name is Joe. We can tell from his position and general stance that he's not that smart. We can see this in the way he views SCP-5002, and how he nearly calls her a bitch.

Officer Lowry: Thought she was better than anyone else here. She's so smart, why is she in containment?

Asshole Victim! This basically means that anyone could kill her, since she is a despicable person. As mentioned before, reality benders tend to be assholes. Besides this, he's pretty straightforward. Onto Dr. Grossenbacher.

One of the first lines is a Notable Non Sequitur, mentioning D-2825, a previous D-Class before D-4986, the current D-Class. This'll be important. As for Dr. Grossenbacher, she's somewhat cryptic, somewhat clever. She's clearly intelligent, since she goes back and forth with Agent O'Connor. She also points to the Site Director for additional clues. Grossenbacher knows something we don't which is why she's acting all smug.

Dr. Grossenbacher: Of course not. I have no secrets.

Agent O'Connor: This is the Foundation, doctor. Everyone has secrets.

Also, very spicy quote. The next quote is a memorable line. Has nothing to do with anything, just very fun.

Officer Lowry: Really. You Sherlock Holmes or something?

Agent O'Connor: Actually, Foundation investigations are rather more difficult. Sherlock Holmes, unlike me, could afford to eliminate the impossible.

And there we have it, the first three characters we learn about get a bunch of dialogue, which quickly establishes both character and progression in the plot. As I said before,

---

Junior Researcher Michael Simpson is definitely belligerent. He was on his way to important private matters (please keep the date in mind!), and he was stopped by Agent O'Connor. Of course he would be belligerent. But he also acts very professional when dealing with anomalies. Refers to SCPs as they/them, and is very strict about procedure, deftly sticking far away from them. In the test log for SCP-5002, this is further demonstrated by the way he stubbornly sticks to the rules. A bit over the top.

J-R Simpson: Test participants shall remain silent at all times!

Dr. Karen Yau is more humanitarian than the average researcher. Acts very kind to all people, including the D-Class. Believes SCP-5002 is honest and willing. She's probably the least likely to murder her. Yau also points to the Site Director for more clues, which is very suspect. As pointed out earlier, the Site Director has a very specific reason to kill SCP-5002. Pointing to the Site Director not once, but twice, is a major clue in for the audience. Also, SCP-2825 is mentioned for the third time, signifying D-2825 is a lot more important that she seems. Which she is.

D-4986 is the generic D-Class serial killer. He never regretted killing his past victims, and he claims he would have loved to kill SCP-5002.

Part Three: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Part Four: 39 Clues

5087

#SCP-5087 - When Have They Gone?

Object Class: Keter

Author: HammerMaiden http://www.scp-wiki.net/hammermaidens-author-page

4547

revert version 158

middling dislike for stormbreath

4857

#SCP-4857 - [DESIGNATION AVAILABLE]

Author: Pr10r http://www.wikidot.com/user:info/pr10r

Hello everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, and I have major existential dread. Push through, push through…

Today, I'll be declassing SCP-4857, a very vague and potentially terrifying implication. Let's begin.

Part One:

We're immediately introduced to a big ass sign that says that this particular SCP slot is open, followed by a bunch of contamination measures that state what SCPs are allowed to be put into the slot. No

4839

#SCP-4839 - FAFNIR - or, "I Caress It, 'Cause I Possess It!"

Author: daveyoufool http://www.scp-wiki.net/daveyoufool

Hello everyone! CorpseOfBixby here, genetically predisposed to accepting declassification requests from unknown Reddit users. Today, we're looking at the It's Mine Song from LazyTown SCP-4839 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4839. Y'know, this is my fifth article. After this article, I will unleash a storm of bad declassifications and become the leader/supreme overlord of r/SCPD through shear will. Fear me.

But before that can happen, check out this declass.

Part One: We Are Number One

The article opens up with a classic introductory note which helps contextualize the SCP.

Notice to the Foundation, Multiversal Iteration 2N:

Nice, we're in the multiverse. I wish I held onto that Avengers reference from my first article. Well, probably not. We're in LazyTown now.

JALAKÅRA Himself has whispered the hymn of silent flesh into Iteration 4V

Mr. J is the supreme overseer of the Three Moons Initiative. That's another thing I would like to point out. This note and the SCP document itself has been given to us, the Foundation, by the Three Moons Initiative, a GoI which (tries to) protect the multiverse from danger. Skipping ahead by a little bit, it apparently serves as a warning. We'll have to see why for ourselves.

…this action was a product of absolute necessity, and executed to protect the multi-dimensional majority of humans. Fortunately, extraterrestrial life in 4V continues to thrive.

So the anomaly in question isn't lethal, but does something to people that required quarantining an entire universe. Can't be good, but that still doesn't tell us too much about the anomaly itself. Also, quarantines are very topical!

Well then, that leaves us with some things to keep in mind. The anomaly is disruptive enough to require cutting off an entire population of people from the multiverse, but not lethal enough to kill them off. This could range from deadly sun slime http://www.scp-wiki.net/shaggydredlocks-proposal to immortality http://www.scp-wiki.net/end-of-death-hub. We should also consider the fact that this thing spreads, and can spread to other universes. Should be fun to watch.

On a side note, there's a footnote which requests a Dr. Isaiah Henderson to take care of the infohazard decontamination. This guy is the director for Operation Galahad, which is antagonistic(?) to the Three Moons Initiative. The infohazard infected Henderson, which leads to two tales, this one http://www.scp-wiki.net/ill-be-home-for-christmas and this one http://www.scp-wiki.net/now-watch-and-learn-heres-the-deal. This has nothing to do with the article at hand, just some interesting things to note for the Three Moons Canon.

Object Class: Keter

Yep, that's pretty standard for big bad anomalies.

Threat Level: Black http://scp-int.wikidot.com/niveaux-de-menace-des-objets-scp

Oh fuck! We got International formatting in the house!

In this case, Black is basically it will fuck everyone's shit. Pretty much reserved for K-Class Scenarios.

I would also like to point out the image included. It's a very aesthetically evocative image that has been replaced with the Foundation symbol, with solid lines emblazoned on it that says…

This image contains a FAFNIR-class infohazard and has been redacted.

Ah, so that's how it spreads. SCP-4839 is an infohazard that screwed with everyone's brain in Multiverse 4V. It would also explain how this thing would leak out to other universes. FAFNIR isn't explained in the document, but background research tells me that Fafnir comes from Norse mythology, referring to a dwarf who became a dragon/serpent in order to guard his treasure, which he killed his dad for. Associated with greed, among other things. Keep that in mind for the future. It'll be important.

The con procs also tell us some cool bits.

Mass Containment Zone-4839, has been constructed within SCP-2400.

Guess what? We got a neato 2400 declass https://www.reddit.com/r/SCPDeclassified/comments/7iovqu/scp2400_temporal_dilation_facility/. Interesting thing, 2400 also leads to 2700 declass. So I'm begging the SCP wiki to make another SCP that references 4839 so that we can keep the declass train going.

Anyways, SCP-2400 is an infinite extradimensional space in which time passes by faster than outside. This suggests that SCP-4839 is so numerous, they need an infinite plane to contain it all, but the items themselves won't escape when they close SCP-2400 for other purposes.

Items that carry SCP-4839 are to be contained as-is. Living instances are to be accommodated with nutrition and other sustenance. Deceased instances are to be contained, as well.

So anything can be infected with SCP-4839. Humans, birds, the atmosphere, Earth. That really sucks.

only 4% of SCP-4839 in existence is currently under containment. Failure to contain at least 70% of SCP-4839 by 12/2/2065 will result in a ZK-class reality failure scenario.

Damn. That really sucks.

Wait, ZK-class? Let's check out the K-Class List http://www.scp-wiki.net/k-class-complete-list. Hm. ZK-class is when reality is fundamentally altered or destroyed. How the hell would an infohazard do that? Infohazard only affects people when they know about it, so what does that have to do with reality itself getting busted? Something is off.

Ohhh. Okay, so

Some things I will note that I didn't fully understand. While infohazard makes sense from the perspective of how this thing can spread to multiple universes, it doesn't explain what's infecting them to begin with. The images that have been redacted would better be described as cognitohazards than infohazards, which affects people via knowledge of said object. Which means that the infection originates from knowledge of an infected object? I dunno.

Another thing is the weird ass timestamps. We start from a relatively normal timestamp of 4/27/2022, but then goes to 11/18/9047 by the end of the article. Whether this is anomalous or insanity is not clear.

5034

]

#SCP-5034 - The Meat Angels

Author: Tanhony http://www.scp-wiki.net/caterer-tim-tanhony-hyne-s-personnel-file

4224

#SCP-4224, “History Will Be Kind To Me”

Item #: SCP-4224 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4224

Author: Ayers http://www.scp-wiki.net/ayers-array

Hello everyone! CorpseofBixby here. And an arbitrary Acanthiza Apicalis accosted an abandoned ancillary (attributed author ahoy) as an attempt at answering Ayers' abovementioned accommodating article. My fucking face hurts.

Today, we'll be covering SCP-4224, dropped during the 4k Contest http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp4000contesthub, the contest with possibly the most boring contest theme, history! I have a strange addiction to contest SCPs. Anywho, put on your wide brimmed hats and trench coats, slap on a greyscale filter of black and white, and let's get right into the history at hand.

I… seem to be really predictable.

---

We immediately get some spicy CSS. The Foundation has been replaced with O5 Protocol: Ennui, and the actual article itself is restricted to O5 Command or Ennui-Class clearance. Let's just get the obvious stuff out of the way. First, this is high security. SCP-4224 is must be massively important. Second, we get the word Ennui a lot. For this one, I would like to refer to the Updated Amnestics Guide http://www.scp-wiki.net/updated-amnestics-guide. Ennui is a drug which weakens specific neuro pathways in the brain in such a way that it allows people to believe that certain anomalous things are actually commonplace, a sort of fake amnestic. In general, this is reserved for situations in which containing an anomaly is impossible http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-8900-ex.

It is essentially one of the most powerful tools for the Foundation to have. It would also make sense for this thing to only be accessible to high clearance personnel.

That's already a lot of information, so I'll just open the collapsible.

Part One: [insert creative/funny quip]

Object Class: Thaumiel

There is the Ennui Protocol! But as always, there's a god damn catch. The Foundation just can't catch a break, huh?

Threat Level: White/Red http://scp-int.wikidot.com/niveaux-de-menace-des-objets-scp

Basically, the SCP is White, in that it helps the Foundation, while also being Red, to be unpredictable and destructive. I'm getting Meta Ike Proposal flashbacks! Nothing is good!

The con procs also give some major hints as to what the anomaly is. Check it out.

SCP-4224 is to remain within its life support system permanently

Medical staff must constantly monitor SCP-4224's homeostatic status; any deviation from nominal levels must be immediately corrected.

SCP-4224 is very much a living object, and the Foundation definitely don't want it to die. SCP-4224 also secretes something called ROYAL JELLY, also very important because it has full capitalized designation. I would also like to point out that ROYAL JELLY is a bee thing. Skipping to the tags, we get the tag…

apian

NOT THE BEES!!! This is also confirmed by SCP-4224-1 instances, which secrete something called DRONE. Also a bee thing. Judging from these few facts, we can assume that SCP-4224 is somewhat equivalent to a queen bee, while SCP-4224-1 instances are the little worker bees. There's also the fact that SCP 4224-1 instances are contained in a panopticon, reminiscent of a bee hive.

We also learn that the Foundation has conditioned both SCPs to secrete their respective substance upon visual stimulation. Now that's farming!

Besides that, we're gonna have to go to the description to find out more.

Part Two: Interrogating Old People is Fun

SCP-4224 is a Russian female approximately 90 years old, named "Natalya Ignatova"

Ooh. So the Foundation doesn't just want to keep her alive, she's just straight up dying. They've got a whole specialized life support system just to keep her alive as long as humanly possible. This is followed up by a description of what ROYAL JELLY and DRONE is. Paraphrasing, ROYAL JELLY is a honey like substance which gives immunity to DRONE exposure, turning people into SCP-4224-1 instances. DRONE is an airborne viral pathogen, which causes the following;

Infection causes only behavioural symptoms

3520

#SCP-3520, “Fourteen Orangutans”

Item #: SCP-3520 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3520

Author: LordStoneFish (aka Tom Big egg on discord)
http://www.scp-wiki.net/lord-stonefish

Greetings everyone! CorpseOfBixby here. I have doomed myself in an attempt to lock LordStoneFish into a contractual hell. Somehow, I missed my own fine print and am now declassing an article of their choice. Look how the turn tables.

Today, we’re gonna be declassing SCP-3520, the SCP about fourteen orangutans. Pack up your bags and wear your favorite button up hawaiian shirt as we travel across the world in search of whatever the hell this is.

Object Class: Keter Euclid

Nothing too special there. It was breaking free all the time, but then it stopped escaping as much. This could just mean that the Foundation has learned more about the anomaly, and can better contain it.

All radio transmissions broadcast on 106.5 FM within Centre County PA are to be immediately suppressed. Foundation equipment should consistently broadcast a stronger signal of static to overwhelm public radios on that frequency.

So it looks like our anomaly has to do with radio signals. Of note here, the signal isn’t strong enough to overwhelm conventional radio signals that the Foundation is running, which is interesting to see. This could mean that the signal has been weakened by the Foundation, or was already weak to begin with.

All SCP-3520 broadcasts are to be recorded and transcribed.

Interesting. So the signals aren’t dangerous to hear, just really strange. We’re just gonna have to see a transcription to find out how weird.

Irene Rosenfeld and the Mondelēz International Board of Directors are to be under constant surveillance by Foundation assets within Borneo and Ghana for SCP-3520 influence.

I- what? All of a sudden, we get a name some pretty significant name drops. For those of you who don’t know, and I don’t blame you if you don’t know, Irene Rosenfeld https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irene_Rosenfeld is the chairman of the Mondelēz International Inc. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondelez_International, an American multinational company dedicated to the production of several consumable goods. Some particularly notable goods are Oreos, Trident, Belvita (my favorite), Chiclets, Halls, the list goes on. So why only them? What’s with the radio signals that’s affecting this corporation?

It also mentions Borneo and Ghana. I don’t anything, so I’ll just keep going.

All influences within Borneo and Ghana logging companies are to be immediately liquidated, and the Foundation is to assure that logging operations within the region continue uninhibited

And that's where Borneo and Ghana come in. A quick Google search tells me that the deforestation of Borneo and Ghana are at an all time high. Half of Borneo’s natural forests have been lost, and Ghana is in the same state of disrepair.

There’s also a mention about eliminating influences within logging operations within these countries. When they mean influences, they most certainly mean people advocating against deforestation. Why does the Foundation want to commit ecoterrorism? And what does a radio signal have to do with it?

So many questions, no answers.

Despite apparent ease of containment, reclassification to Keter is under possible consideration.

Well, that answers one question. Previously, the text mentions that the radio signal can easily be drowned out. So the only thing anomalous here is the radio signals, which means it’s doing something to people’s minds.

SCP-3520 is an anomalous series of radio broadcasts originating from an unknown place, occurring once a year, on a random day, in December.

So that confirms one answer and answers another question. The anomaly is just a radio signal, and the reason why it’s a little bit of Euclid and Keter is because it’s easy to suppress, but can never be truly contained.

SCP-3520 is able to influence objects, persons, and environments outside its range [REDACTED] despite a dearth of obvious, measurable characteristics, it is assured that these influences are present.

This is a confusing sentence to understand, so I’ll take things slow. The radio is memetic, even to people who don't hear the actual radio. There's another thing here, a redaction, a something of which has several AWAWBJDFBIAWW

Then, the redaction. This is essentially what the radio signals are causing, but we don’t know what it is. What is this redacting?

It also goes on to clarify that the radio only serves to influence things, so other influences, such as the deforestation protests, would help it out. So this is why the Foundation wants to commit ecoterrorism! The radio has something to do with environmentalists.

You know what? I think we should take a look at the transcripts of SCP-3520. Maybe they will help figure out what’s going on.

First female voice: Did you pick up that SCP-343 http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-343 ? I heard they're new.
Second female voice: Oh no! Far too expensive. [DATA EXPUNGED]. There are other snacks to-

At this point, things get really symbolic. Before I start talking about the rest of the transcript, I’m gonna talk about the voices that are distinct enough to be heard. Firstly, it’s a little snippet, a conversation between two women that sounds vaguely consumeristic. They’re talking about buying stuff, where one believes it’s far too expensive. But that crosslink. What does God have to do with this?

Prior to this conversation, there was finger snapping. After this conversation is jungle noises and a gunshot, followed by…

Synthesized male voice: Fourteen orangutans.

Weird. But in isolation, it doesn’t tell us anything. After a year passes, the second SCP-3520 instance is broadcasted.

Male voice: Yes, but when? When is enough enough…

Followed by a five second snippet of the film, “A Clockwork Orange”, and a five second snippet of ‘Fat’ by my man, Weird Al Yankovic. Followed by primate noises. Damn, this is weird.

Symbolically speaking, A Clockwork Orange deals with morality, whether goodness through conditioned therapy is real goodness. The song Fat is basically the thesis of foreign stereotypes about Americans. That, along with the male voice, is a lot of stuff to handle, so we’ll skip this too!

empathy?

Fabian Rendham was just finishing up the last of his work, dry pieces of documentation he had the good fortune of looking over. He was situated very finely, slouching at his meek corner cubicle, and his ass was only just getting sore. He worked in a small department for archival purposes, the name of which he couldn't be bothered to remember. He only worked there.

He was typing up the last, particularly wordy document, when his computer was suddenly hijacked by a massive, popup text. Normally, he would be elated, were his work not lost irreversibly. If he weren't elated, he would be slightly surprised, until he read the text. Right now, all he felt was fear.

SCiPnet Internal Messaging System

To: E:ID60074146, Fabian Rendham

Do not save this message.

The printer in your office should be printing out a sheet.

Follow the directions precisely.

I will be waiting.

He worked in the military long enough to know to follow vague directives, and he worked with the Foundation long enough to keep his mouth shut.

He grabbed the paper and silently read to himself.

One. Rendham always suspected the elevator would lead to several more floors, and not just two. There were more buttons than there were floors, and the familiar jolt of hitting bottom level was missing. Although, he was surprised that he was going to the sixth sublevel. Getting to the elevator was easy.

Two. He always was a bit of a solo show. His friends rarely talked to him, and he never talked to them. They were great friends like that. He never liked the way his coworkers gabbed on about SCPs, about the things they've heard of but never seen. Something about all this secrecy felt very fundamentally important, something he should honor and respect. He was more comfortable leaving things unsaid anyways. So going into the elevator alone was easy.

Three. He saw death as a sort of practice in juggling, his life or theirs. While those outside would call him a hero, he never felt that way. He was following orders, as simple at that. In fact, if his memory serves him, it was more of a choice than an order. Kill or die. Pressing a specific combination of buttons is far easier than that.

Four. As he rips up the instructions into as many little pieces as he can and chews on them for the ride down, he couldn't think of any metaphors. All he could do was prepare his mind and steel his resolve. This is happening.

The elevator slows its descent, offering him a discrete pinging sound once he reached his destination. As the doors open, he's greeted by gentle darkness and that uniquely musty attic smell you find in abandoned homes. He takes a step forward, and the lights begin to blip on, revealing a massive, tiled room. At the end, the wall has been replaced with a clear window, revealing an even larger basement.

Suddenly, a tinny voice began to resound, a strange mix of feminine and childish abandon.

"Heya! Glad to see you made it! Your experience has been invaluable to getting you here safely and quietly!"

Fabian stood silently, chewing the last bit of fiber and swallowing.

"You don't talk much, huh? Well, nice to meet you Mr. Rendham! I am Test oh-one dot a-eye-see! I do a bunch of looking for new recruits and such. And you! My very strong friend, are our latest recruit!"

A small party horn rings out from a corner of the room.

"Well. You're… quiet. Normally, people ask what's happening, and I answer 'a four stage test with SCP-2332-ARC, which will measure your capacity', and what not. But you didn't! So I'm gonna explain it, again. You will be facing a four stage-"

From behind the window, Rendham can see the tiled sections moving in unison. As Test01.aic droned on about the test, he was fascinated by this anomaly. Four smaller chambers are being constructed with mechanical precision, forming decorations and other minutiae with silent, robotic efficiency. He could see copies of his coworkers being constructed from the shoes up, their neat little uniforms and suits replicated right down to the buttons.

"-and that's about it!" Rendham could feel the smug grin from behind the intercom. "Any questions?"

Rendham nods.

"Fine then! I'll begin the test."

The smallest chamber is brought up to the window, only two meters in height, featuring a tiled cat, speckled with greyish white spots. Miraculously, the cat is moving about, licking its paws and meowing, its eyes lazily drifting about as it wandered the chamber.

This disgusted Rendham.

A tile popped out of the wall and thudded against the floor. This tile folded into and out of itself, expanding and contracting until it formed a human hand. This hand was attached to a mechanical arm, which directed the hand to pet the head of the cat.

"Aw, how adorable! I didn't know you even had it in you!"

Suddenly, the hand gripped the head of the cat and lifted it up, choking the cat. It held the imitation in the air for a few precious seconds, relishing the moment, before the hand began to clench harder and harder, even past the moment where the head of the cat was compressed, the facial features molding into broken shards of ceramic. The hand then slammed the remains into the ground, grinding the pieces into the it like a whetstone, leaving streaks of ceramic scratches on the surface. Finally, the hand pushes away with apparent disgust, dusted itself off, and shrank, reforming into a single tile.

What remained was a cat's worth of dust.

"Very impressive! This definitely deserves a footnote."

As the chamber drifted away, Rendham started thinking to himself. He thought about the situation, wondering if this is all some elaborate prank. Although he had read about all those SCPs, he never thought about facing one himself. He thought it would have been irresponsible to give him the chance to oversee an actual anomaly. And there he was, facing a genuine phenomena, or at least, he thought it was. There's an irrational part of himself that was adapting very easily to it. He exists, and so does it. He knows he himself is real, so it must be as well.

He found himself infected with a hint of a smile.

"I think I should tell you, but I have personality gauges measuring your mood. That should dampen your spirits. Well then, let's just skip the next two tests. Those tests don't really affect the score too much, so they're not important. This is the final test! Good luck!"

Two of the chambers, both larger than the first, detached the walls and collapsed into itself. The sound of crushing ceramics drilled into his ears. He certainly didn't expect the mannequin coworkers to scream as loud as they did, but he ignored it. They talked too much anyways.

The final chamber was slowly brought up, however, it was facing away. Strangely enough, it was the only one that wasn't built from the tile up.

"So, this one actually needs your permission to start. You're gonna have to say an affirmative out loud to start. I know you're not mute, so if you could…"

Rendham thought about it for a second, before he nodded yes.

"Dude."

"Yes." His voice rang quiet and deep.

"Wow. I thought that maybe you were shy or something. That sounded very nice! You should talk more."

…

"I'm… I guess I'll start the final test, then. Er, good luck?" He heard a hint of something more. He suspected pity, but it could easily have been surprise or curiosity. He wasn't sure why he was thinking so hard about it.

The chamber slowly rotated to reveal a female. She was laying on the ground, supposedly unconscious. He could see a halo of dark brown hair, a modest, orange jumpsuit, and shiny black heels.

"Waking up D-11552. Good morning, sunshine."

The ankle bracelet on the woman began to beep, and she gasps as she is shocked awake. She slowly came to her senses, her hair a tangled mess, her clothes rumpled and dusty. She grabbed onto the cot and pushed herself up off the ground.

And Rendham was surprised.

He recognized the woman. He had the same hair color, the same brown eyes. He could tell that his face, or lack thereof, belonged to that woman, and his shortsightedness he held in common.

"What's going on?" D-11552 stumbled a bit in her heels, hugging the wall for stability.

"F…Fabian? What's…?" She looks around, the walls are empty. No exit in sight.

"Fabian?"

"Hint! Do what you did to the cat." Director chimes.

He stared at his mom.

It had been decades since he last saw her. The draft needed him, and he felt proud for volunteering. His dad and his uncles were similarly proud, countrymen to the end. But his mom, his mom mourned as if he were dead. Perhaps he was dead to her.

He was…

Well…

"Do I sense hesitation? I thought you were a soulless piece of shit. Shame." Test01.aic tsks.

The tiles begin to vibrate, dislodging from the mechanical arms that held them in place. D-11552 begins to scream, but is cut off as the chamber walls crushes her in between them. He expected the snapping of bones, or some visceral squishy sounds, but all he heard were the shattering of ceramic. As the chamber walls detached from one another, D-11552 was no more. Instead, there lay a mess of ceramic shards and dust.

"Hmm." Test01.aic was contemplating the experiment.

Rendham felt something inside him crawl. It was akin to vomit, or a hundred spiders in his throat. He felt the instinctual urge to cry, but his heart rate needed his undivided attention to calm. He needed to keep his breathing even, to keep his sanity strong.

"Hesitation… docks you a couple points…"

"Cruelty… goes a long way…"

"Carry the 2…"

"Looks like… a 1.2, congratulations!" The same, tinny party horn rings out from the same corner.

"You passed the test! This calls for a prize! Do you like champagne?"

The elevator behind him dings, and opens up to reveal a metal cart with two glasses of champagne on a clean, white ceramic plate. The cart automatically rolls over to Rendham, and he takes a glass. He doesn't drink it.

"Let's see now. We've got lots of demand for a man of your capacity! Let me go down the list…"

As Test01.aic starts mumbling numbers of foreign anomalies, Rendham thinks. Or at least, he tries to think. As he brought the champagne glass to his lips, his hands start to shake, and it doesn't stop shaking. His memories are overwhelming, and he puts the glass back on the cart to avoid spilling anything.

"How do you feel… about SCP-4910-ARC? Your position will be Termination Coordinator Liaison. And its got very good benefits! Wow, I didn't even know misplaced organ insurance was a thing. Anyways, I'll be in touch."

Rendham numbly followed the cart back into the elevator. The elevator stops for the cart on sublevel-5, and he stayed on until he reached his floor.

He stumbles into his cubicle, and flops down. The office is completely empty, save for the glow of his computer screen.

He hears a ping, another message.

SCiPnet Internal Messaging System

To: E:ID60074146, Fabian Rendham

Do not save this message.

You're moving out! Grab your stuff!

Additional directions are being printed right now! >W<

I will be waiting. :)

Fabian sits at his desk, listening to the ancient printer spit out a piece of paper. He thinks about nothing, before grabbing it and leaving his cubicle.

He never decorated his cubicle. Everything important to him was either on his person or pointed at an enemy. He'll let the office take his goodies.

But, despite everything, he likes to believe this was an order.

wired with broken veil

WIRED: Dr. Lawson Answers Questions from Twitter

Greetings, World! I am Dr. Lawson, one of the head scientists at the SCP Foundation. This video is meant to help educate people about our organization, and hopefully help clarify exactly what we do.

Cause anomalies are weird. It's, it's in the name. Heh.

Can we retake this? Oh, you're, you're just going to leave this in. Crap.

rattlemeembones asks "Where did the SCPF come from? Is there a history book somewhere that'll tell us?"

I personally can't tell you exactly when the Foundation originated. That actually happens to be one of our most heavily guarded secrets, because it's almost definitely tied to an anomaly. And we like to keep our anomalies a secret.

So no. No history books.

Jenforprez asks "Now that the Foundation is in public, is there any plans for transparency?"

I'm not privy to that information, but I believe that the Foundation will need to be more transparent. there are already a bunch of rumors circulating the internet about the Foundation that aren't all good. We have an Ethics Committee. We aren't dystopian.

Moving on.

420godofthehub asks "Do you have superheroes?"

Yes. Yes we do. (laughing)

bananaLEAFsuedme asks "How do anomalies work?"

What do you mean by that? They're anomalies, they just do things. Like, what did you expect? They're anomalies.

60074146 asks "I heard you have a bunch of cutting edge tech. Can you tell us anything about that?"

Let me think about that. Well, yes, we have a bunch of super tech and all that, but that isn't really my department. Hm.

Our basic technology is better than what the average person has access to. That's all I'm willing to say.

MillhouseNuts asks "Do you guys have an army or something? I imagine some anomalies must be hard to deal with."

Well, not an army, per se. We have internal security and guards like that. I assume you're talking about field specialists.

We have something called Mobile Tasks Forces, or MTFs, and they vary in size, depending on the situation. For example, we have a small MTF of about five people, and they all specialize in programming and coding, specifically to tackle online anomalies.

We could also have a large MTF of thirty people, and they could be successful field operatives for the purposes of securing large physical anomalies, like Bigfoot.

Bigfoot is just an example.

SerpentGuide asks "Are there any other groups associated with anomalies?"

I don't think you need me to answer that. You should be seeing a lot of PR recently for several anomalous groups. There are some religious ones, entertainment, really, anything on the spectrum.

That's all I can say about them. Moving on.

in which allison chao gets an orientqtion

A Letter for Allison Chao, made by Allison Chao

Updated Version 3.77.00 Unified Multiversal Date 443/109/219

Published by Center for Allison Chao Resources
Allison Chao Edridges Campus

Hey there fellow Allison Chao! If you're not Allison Chao, please stop reading. This is a personalized orientation for Allison Chao only. If you're Charles Ogden Gears, there's a personalized orientation for you too. Also, hi dad!

Beside the point. Welcome to the Library! More specifically, welcome to the Black Queen Society! You're in the in group now. Like, way cooler than AWCY? too. But don't actually say that to any ACWY? members. That's like, a slur or something.

This orientation is basically a flowchart of things you need to do to prepare yourself for the Allison Chao Society. The first thing is a healthy mindset. Keep calm. I know everyone you look at is basically another you, and this could break your entire worldview, but do not panic! We're all friends here. Okay. Deep breaths.

Some of you may be physically malnourished or mentally scarred for life, and for that, we have a system of benefits for you. Head down to the Referral Office for a ticket to a psychologist/psychiatrist or directions to a restaurant. The Referral Office helps with discussions and multiverse hopping, but you'll learn that later. And don't worry about currency just yet. Just go, get refreshed, and come back. This orientation will still be here when you're finished.

You back? Good. Now I'll explain some of the biggest rules.

1. Do not hurt other Allison Chaos. Just because we are you, doesn't mean you can externalize your frustrations.
2. Act how you would here like you did in polite society. Is it rude to punch someone in the gut? Then don't do it.
3. Be respectful to other Allison Chaos. Their universe may be screwy, but you must respect their beliefs. Do they think it's polite to greet someone with a punch to the gut? Then do it.

There are all kinds of laws, but this would turn into a lawbook, so just remember those three generalities and you're good to go.

Head down to the nearest BQHG for an identification license. **This license is ultra important!* It's your key to everything in BQ Society. It acts as a debit/credit card, identification, age in certain cases, a literal key. You also get to decide your Black Queen Name. After all, it would be hard to operate if everyone was Allison Chao. Also, if you lose it, it'll take forever to get a replacement, and literally anyone can infiltrate BQ Society with it, which is a security hazard. We're working on more ways to make it secure, but for now, don't lose it.

Now that you have a card, you can start interacting with other Black Queens!

I LIFTED THIS FROM LTE-BOSCH MAKE SURE TO MENTION

skeleton hatching

Item #: SCP-X

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-X is contained in a Standard Humanoid Containment Cell. If SCP-X show signs of an SCP-X-1 event, medical personnel must assist SCP-X to ensure SCP-X-1 passes without complications. Immediately after an SCP-X-1 event, medical personnel must be ready to apprehend SCP-X-1.

SCP-X-1 instances must be hosted separately from SCP-X.

Description: SCP-X is an adult human male in his mid thirties. Occasionally, after a period of about thirty days, SCP-X will prepare itself for an SCP-X-1 event.

An SCP-X-1 event is characterized as follows:

• An instinctual knowledge of an impending SCP-X-1 event.
• SCP-X's inability to move freely. SCP-X's bed has been replaced with a hospital stretcher for easy transportation.
• Anatomically structural instability. Specifically, the tendons are dissolved and muscles can easily be pulled apart. Internal organs no longer obey object collision regarding the skeletal system.
• The skeletal system will become fully autonomous. They are designated SCP-X-1, followed by a numerical designation since SCP-X's containment.
• SCP-X-1 will exit SCP-X and attempt to escape.
• After SCP-X-1 fully detaches from SCP-X, SCP-X must be put back together. Once all the organs are replaced within SCP-X's body, it will "zip" itself back up and instantly form another skeleton, concluding the event.

After an SCP-X-1 event concludes, SCP-X-1 will gain full sentience. Instances are capable of making rational decisions and participate in rudimentary communication, among other things. However, instances are singleminded, and are decidedly mischievous. Upon the conclusion of an SCP-X-1 event, SCP-X-1 will attempt to escape the medical ward, and do any sort of activity that could be considered fun.

SCP-X-1 instances have:

• Danced violently
• Watched TV
• Played with a heart rate monitor
• Mimicked playing a bongo on the heads of two other patients
• Escaped containment

Currently, there are 32 SCP-X-1 instances in containment. Current containment procedures only require personnel to donate any unused goods. Said goods do not have to be toys. Archival records indicate SCP-X-1 instances were able to play with a collection of pillows for two weeks.

Addendum-X-1: Interview logs

Interviewer: PhD. Samsarella
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

Samsarella: I hope you're comfortable.

SCP-X: I gotta say, you guys are a very kind. Free housing, free meals, what's not to like?

Samsarella: I suppose that's one way to look at it.

SCP-X: Well, thank the higher ups for me, will you?

Samsarella: I'll make sure they know that.

SCP-X: Good, good.

(SCP-X finishes their lunch and wipes their mouth.)

SCP-X: What's the sheet for?

Samsarella: Well, I'm supposed to make you go over the details. For the record.

SCP-X: Sure, sure. Should I just, like, start at the beginning?

Samsarella: If you would.

(SCP-X puts his tray away and sits back down.)

SCP-X: So. My dad was a really old fashioned kinda guy. The kind you see in those old movies, move outta here, go to college, kinda guy. So I was kicked out of the house with some pocket change. Some clothes.

Samsarella: And you went to uni.

SCP-X: I did.

Samsarella: You did very well for yourself. Good grades, top of your club, some sports.

SCP-X: I did, I did. Well, it's, um, yeah. I did.

Samsarella: You haven't mentioned when SCP-X-1 events started happening.

SCP-X: I'm gonna continue saying this, but that way of talking? The whole "ess see pea"? I'll never, I'll never, right. Yeah. Okay. I'll start talking about that.

(SCP-X stands up, stretches, and starts pacing.)

SCP-X: It was two months before I got my degree. In civil engineering. You look like someone who knows a bit about that. But anyway, well. Two months before my degree. I was feeling a little bit sick, like from a hangover, that sick taste in the back of your throat, except it was all over my body. I went through an entire day feeling like this. I was thinking about an aspirin, but that was for headaches, and ibuprofen and tylenol. In the end, I didn't take any of it.

Samsarella: Gotcha. Where did you go?

SCP-X: Yeah, I was in my room. The cells. That was what the frat called the dorms, since the place had literal bars for windows. It was expensive for no reason.

Samsarella: You're getting distracted again. Please, focus.

SCP-X: Right, right. So, I was in my room. The cells. The, the dorms. And I was laying in bed. At the time, I didn't know, and it felt like the right thing to do, so I just laid in bed. Then, I felt myself do the thing and it felt alright. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything, just a thing… It was something I felt like I had to do.

Samsarella: What do you mean?

SCP-X: Um. Like, you know how as you grow up, your parents tell you to do this or do that? That some things are bad or good?

Samsarella: I understand.

SCP-X: It was like that. Except instinctual. Eventually, I opened my eyes and I saw two, different, well nothing in one and a skeleton in the other, and I thought about screaming, but then that would've woken up the neighborhood. And plus, I didn't feel scared.

(SCP-X stops pacing and sits back down.)

SCP-X: I think the skeleton was going through my stuff, until eventually it just, got bored. And left.

Samsarella: How did you put yourself back together?

SCP-X: It was kinda gross, but I had to feel myself. Not, like, that or anything, but I distinctly remember me grabbing my own arm and things clicking together. I can't really describe it, but it was normal. I felt normal.

Samsarella: Normal?

SCP-X: Yeah, it isn't really normal, per se. Just, that, that instinct, y'know?

Samsarella: I understand.

SCP-X: Since then, it just happened. It became a regular thing.

Samsarella: What did you do about the skeletons?

SCP-X: Oh, since they were my skeletons, I just, y'know.

(SCP-X makes a gesture.)

Samsarella: What?

SCP-X: Ehm. Y'know?

(SCP-X repeats the gesture.)

Samsarella: Would you please clarify in words?

SCP-X: I just hit them. With a brick or something hard.

Samsarella: There wasn't any need to be reserved.

SCP-X: I wasn't. Just being sensitive.

[END LOG]

Interviewer: PhD. Samsarella
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

SCP-X: Can we not do this now?

Samsarella: I'm sorry, but this is for research. Please tell me how you're feeling.

(SCP-X grunts in pain.)

SCP-X: I'm gonna make a skeleton, and it hurts like hell. I've told you this before.

Samsarella: Just describe how you're feeling. This is important.

SCP-X: Fuck. It's, it's clawing at my insides, I feel like vomiting but I don't need to.

(SCP-X pants deeply.)

SCP-X: It's, it's gonna pass. Like ripping a big fucking band aid off.

(SCP-X lies down.)

Samsarella: Alright, that's all. Please proceed, operators.

(Upon Samsarella leaving, SCP-X visibly relaxes and commences SCP-X-1 event.)

[END LOG]

Interviewer: PhD. Samsarella
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

Samsarella: Just a few questions today. Nothing personal.

SCP-X: Oh? Oh! Sure thing. You surprised me there. Want something?

Samsarella: No thanks, I've eaten already.

SCP-X: So what's up?

Samsarella: First question. Why did you terminate your SCP-X-1?

(SCP-X laughs and takes a bite out of his sandwich.)

SCP-X: Oh, man. I know this is a facility for the weird, but even after all this time you guys still call me that. I can't get used to it.

Samsarella: The question.

SCP-X: Right, right, let me finish chewing this first.

(SCP-X swallows and continues.)

SCP-X: So, wow, that was a big bite, why I kill my skeletons?

Samsarella: Yes. If you don't mind.

SCP-X: I don't really know. Instinct, I suppose.

Samsarella: Instinct?

SCP-X: I suppose I can't call it instinct. Well, they were a danger to society. Skeletons just walking around like that. I mean, you guys don't like that, right?

Samsarella: I suppose we don't. But that's beside the point. Why did you destroy SCP-X-1? There must be something behind it.

SCP-X: Nope. Can't think of anything.

Samsarella: Alright then. No helping it. Where did you put SCP-X-1 after disposing of them?

SCP-X: Ooh, I like this one. Okay, this was always a little cheeky secret of mine, it made me feel like one of those villains in those murder mystery shows. Ever watched Dexter? Oh, it was fantastic.

Samsarella: Please focus.

SCP-X: Oh right, right. So…

[END LOG]

Excavation Log-X:
Team Members: 4
Purpose: To recover SCP-X-1 instances in order to reduce the chances of civilian contact.

Locations: [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED]. The following locations have been removed due to their vicinity to other major anomalous areas.

Recovered Items: 64, 33, and 119 SCP-X-1 instances have been recovered from each location respectively. Of note, all instances feature several fractures.

Interviewer: PhD. Samsarella
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

SCP-X: You're keeping them?!

Samsarella: I don-

SCP-X: You're fucking keeping them?! Get the fuck out of my face, you fucking whore!

(SCP-X picks up his chair and throws it against the ground.)

SCP-X: You fucking promised me, didn't you?!

(Samsarella exits the room and calls security.)

SCP-X: You fucking traitor bitch whore! I'll burn this fucking place to the ground! Fuck you! Fuck you!

(SCP-X slams on the door repeatedly. This continues until security sedates him.)

[END LOG]

Interviewer: PhD. Samsarella
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

SCP-X: I know what the fuck you're doing. All of you. Monsters.

Samsarella: We ju-

SCP-X: You were dehumanizing me the entire time! SCP-X, SCP-X, that's all you say!

(Both are silent.)

SCP-X: Get me the fuck out of these restraints. Right now.

Samsarella: You aren't going anywhere.

SCP-X: Fuck you! Fuck you!

(SCP-X attempts to break out of his restraints.)

Samsarella: I only have a few questions for you.

SCP-X: All you do! Is ask questions! Don't you see yourself? Blah blah blah! It's all you fucking do!

(SCP-X struggles once more.)

SCP-X: Fuck! You!

Samsarella: This will be easier if you just answer my question.

(SCP-X remains silent.)

Samsarella: What is SCP-X-1 to you?

SCP-X: That's what you're asking me? All you do is ask questions, and you can't even ask a good one?! You aren't my fucking shrink. You're an animal! Whore cunt!

(SCP-X spits at Samsarella and misses.)

SCP-X: They ruined my fucking life! Are you blind, bitch? They landed me in this prison! I could be living normally!

Samsarella: That is all.

SCP-X: Don't fucking run away! Cowards! All of you!

(Samsarella leaves the room.)

SCP-X: Questions! Questions! Questions! That's all you do in this hellhole! You know what they used to do to fuckers like you? They shot them! Commies! They took them to an alley and lined them against the wall! Just lined all of you up and dropped you like flies!

(SCP-X struggles in his restraints.)

SCP-X: Why are you doing this to me?! I didn't do anything to deserve this! My, my fucking life…

(SCP-X starts sobbing.)

SCP-X: My work…

[END LOG]

Interviewer: SCP-X-1
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

SCP-X: Are you… are you serious?

(SCP-X breathes hard.)

SCP-X: You brought them in here, with me?

(SCP-X struggles against his restraints.)

SCP-X: I'll fucking kill you! And every one of your fucking whore coward friends! Skip bullshit! Come over here!

(SCP-X begins to sob.)

SCP-X: Come, come over here. Why, why? Why are you torturing me?

(SCP-X slumps over in his chair.)

SCP-X: Go away.

SCP-X-1: Only because you won't play.

(SCP-X-1 walks closer to SCP-X.)

SCP-X-1: We aren't the ones hurting you.

SCP-X: You are.

SCP-X-1: You've seen us before.

SCP-X: I'll kill you.

SCP-X-1: You're killing yourself.

SCP-X: I'll kill you!

SCP-X-1: Don't you understand?

(At this point, SCP-X-1 leaves SCP-X. SCP-X is silent, and sobs once more.)

SCP-X-1: Silly head.

[END LOG]

Interviewer: PhD. Samsarella
Interviewee: SCP-X

---

Samsarella: You don't need to do anything. Just sit back down.

SCP-X: I-

Samsarella: You don't need to explain yourself. I have my own theories about this.

SCP-X: I, okay.

Samsarella: How are you feeling?

SCP-X: Sorry.

Samsarella: This is pretty run of the mill stuff. You get used to it.

SCP-X: The world sucks, doesn't it?

Samsarella: I suppose. Now focus. How are you feeling?

SCP-X: I, yeah. Better, I suppose.

Samsarella: That's good.

SCP-X: About, uh, SCP-X-1.

Samsarella: You don't have to use our terminology.

SCP-X: I know, but given the circumstances, um. Well, I just thought it was right.

Samsarella: Instincts, huh.

SCP-X: No, none of that. It was right. Not instinctual.

Samsarella: I see.

(SCP-X fidgets.)

SCP-X: Do you think you could, well. Arrange another meeting with SCP-X-1?

Samsarella: Do we have to put you in restraints?

SCP-X: No! No. I'll just talk to it.

Samsarella: Why?

(SCP-X is silent, before speaking at length.)

SCP-X: Well, ever since the first night, I never talked to it. Like ever. Even though I knew it could talk. That was instinctual. I knew it could think.

Samsarella: And you were afraid.

SCP-X: Gee, you're good at this. Yeah, I suppose I was afraid.

(SCP-X nervously taps his foot.)

Samsarella: Because you recognized it as yourself.

SCP-X: I, I did. It was surreal, seeing me divorce myself like that. And I was afraid. That if it spoke to me, I would change. I would go back to being before.

Samsarella: And what was wrong with before?

SCP-X: It was wrong! Me? I was a wreck before! But now, I can live happily! But now I can't! Because, because those fucking skeletons are, are, are not in me. But they can't! Be in me, I mean.

Samsarella: You sound confused.

SCP-X: I don't know what to do.

Samsarella: I think that about concludes our meeting. I think you need to sleep on it.

SCP-X: I, I will. Thanks.

Samsarella: Good night.

[END LOG]

godus

Item#: XXXX

Level3

Containment Class:

safe

Secondary Class:

none

Disruption Class:

dark

Risk Class:

notice

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-X is kept inside a locker. Nothing more is required.

Description: SCP-X is a USB drive of unconventional make. A tag has been attached, but its contents has been scrubbed. Several parts are made up of nonconductive materials, such as rubber and ceramic. Most parts are also unconnected from a traditional sense, i.e. no apparent locations for data storage or lack of thematic cohesion.

Connecting SCP-X to a functioning computer will upload a file to the hardware. This file is mostly corrupted information, and have been difficult to parse. Most discovered information are about Dr. Beck and Dr. Michelangelo Abbandonato. It is unknown who these individuals are.

Addendum X-1: Discovery

A routine cleanup of Site-17 offices indicated a lack of symmetry in the number and placement of office rooms, noted by a janitor. An empty office was discovered, of which apparently went unnoticed for eleven years. A routine antimemetic scan was utilized, but no antimemes were found. The previously allocated office personnel is unknown. Records pertaining to this office have apparently been stricken from the database upon cyberforensic analysis.

Notable objects include a terminal listing a number of humanoid anomalies before they received proper categorization and SCP-X, which contained an incomplete draft of SCP-343.

Addendum X-3: SCP-343 Draft

[ACCESS DENIED: RESTRICTED TO SECURITY LEVEL 4]

The following logs are particularly clear. Efforts have been made to discover the significance of these logs.

Michelangelo Abbandonato

1

4/2/2020

Michelangelo Abbandonato

Following the deaths of twelve personnel, O5 saw it fit to run additional checks. Basically, we have to look through all our security footage and whatnots, anything. Security footage, diaries, emails, location logs, everything we can get our hands on. We've been cleared for a lot of high tech stuff, so use them as you see fit. Run everything we've got on SCP-343 through an SRA, and [DATA LOST] 5/12/2009, [DATA LOST] …ations(sic). Q(sic) [DATA LOST] Michelangelo Abbandonato

Analysis team is telling me that the database is fine, its just that pieces of it are straight up missing. The only thing I can think of that can do this is SCP-343, which is worrying, to say the least. If anyone can tell me the whereabouts of Dr. Beck, I would appreciate the help. He just updated the file, opening up SCP-343 access.

Impromptu notice: I concluded that something is interfering with my orders. Things are going overlooked, and [DATA LOST] eck(sic) [DATA LOST] Michelangelo Abbandonato

I have prepared two guards. Just in case.

[ACCESS DENIED: RESTRICTED TO SECURITY LEVEL 5]

I'm so tired.

I've tried on so many faces, and evolved across time. There is no more, and the skin has flayed. It's peeling back.

I'm no longer scared.

I'm no longer happy. Or disgusted even. Just, bored.

This is home, or the closest I've ever been.

It's where it all started.

I guess I'll tear it down. Peel back the muscle and bone. The teeth is ready.

I still don't feel anything. It's a failure. I'm done.

Addendum X-4: Background Research

There are currently three individuals who identify as Dr. Beck, none of which have ever been assigned to any Site-17 activities, nor have they interacted with Site-17 in any capacity. Based on SCP-X contents, Dr. Beck was a hardworking and pragmatic containment supervisor. Dr. Beck also apparently designed the original architectural layout of Site-17, as well as discover major breakthroughs in early memetics research. Sometime between the beginning and end of SCP-X, Dr. Beck unrestricted special containment procedures for several humanoid anomalies, possibly as an early attempt at ethical humanoid containment. Requests have been granted to discover the whereabouts of Dr. Beck.

Judging from SCP-X contents, Dr. Michelangelo Abbandonato is paranoid and totalitarian. Subject demanded the real time location of all personnel, especially outside of the workplace. In particular, he was obsessed with the activities of SCP-343, and had a personal conflict against Dr. Beck for unknown reasons.

Nothing more can be found.

time war

Item#: XXXX

Level1

Containment Class:

keter

Secondary Class:

none

Disruption Class:

keneq

Risk Class:

danger

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation has volunteered their services to SCP-X.

Attached Message: SCP-X
To all Foundation Personnel,

This may come as a surprise for many of you. This is not the result of anomalous influence.

We are now fighting under the command of SCP-X.

The following document will be transparent. If you so wish, you may read on.

Regardless of your choice, we shall fight.

That is all.

Description: SCP-X is a transdimensional, intratemporal war currently fought by the Teutonic Order of the Knights Templar. These knights in particular originate from a convergent timeline in which the Holy Roman Empire, along with several smaller nations, collapsed under the strain of war, and was subsequently merged with the Teutons, a small Germanic tribe under the leadership of Elrich von Bassenheitem.

SCP-X is transdimensional via massive gates created from the religiospiritual collective, a religious thaumaturgical procedure which derives large quantities of energy from faith. This concept was heavily theorized and supported by modern analysis of thaumaturgical rituals from magically inclined groups of interest. However, coordinated, large scale practice was never performed to the Foundation's knowledge prior to SCP-X.

SCP-X is intratemporal via the abduction of several prominent militaristic nations, causally affecting present time. Affects include:

• The loss of the written works of Genua Fini, a Ludemic Military Strategist famous for advancing the practice of tactics by a century.
• Hindering the invention of gunpowder, steel, and boats by fourteen decades.
• The complete physicality of Atlantis, as well as associated history.
• The development of CODENAME: APOLLOFIST, CODENAME: CODABLACK, and CODENAME: BSHARP, eigenweapons developed and perfected by the Global Occult Coalition, a future paramilitary organization dedicated to the destruction of powerful/divine entities.

Addendum X-1: History

manhole

Item #: SCP-X

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-X is contained in the basement level of Site-33. The level has been cleared of unrelated cargo, and multiple catwalks have been constructed around and above SCP-X for safe and easy viewing access, with the exception of a single catwalk terminating above SCP-X without a banister.

A safety net has been placed underneath SCP-X.

Personnel assigned to SCP-X must be trained in PTSD treatments, along with general psychology. Access to amnestics have been granted if treatments are unsuccessful.

Description: SCP-X-1 is a vertical silo-like canister bisected into two main components, measuring approximately twenty meters high, with a radius of fourteen meters. SCP-X-1 is held up by several steel supports.

The first component is a biomechanical structure utilizing calcium phosphate deposits and rough cut scrap metal for the purposes of grinding objects. This grinder is anomalously efficient, and has resulted as intended in all cases.

The second component is a clear container filled with an unknown liquid with possible sapience, henceforth referred to as SCP-X. SCP-X is viscous and pink in color, but clear analysis on the actual chemical makeup has failed. As such, the properties of SCP-X has been noted as follows.

• The ability to bind to components of organic origin. Must be organic up to the first component of SCP-X-1.
• The ability to reassemble organic components to the original form, up to the first component of SCP-X-1.
• The ability to purge excess organic components from the original form.

Addendum X-1: History

On 4/4/2020, a small, Neo-Sarkic church-hood began operating in an abandoned Mekhanic church in FP-01, "Three Portlands" after being rejected from the general Sarkic community framework. This group practiced an inverse version of Neo-Sarkicism, which viewed Yalbadaoth as the primary universal antagonist, focusing on the destructive aspect of Yalbadaoth. Leadership consists of Karcist Usurper and Võlutaar Aya. For a period of three months, they operated as an isolated outfit, attempting to coerce outsiders into joining the group. Of note, background research indicates that this group had little to no anomalous activites/abilities.

On 7/23/2020, the group began working on the materials left behind by the Mekhanites. In a span of approximately a week, the group began causing anomalous disturbances at a frequent rate. Disturbances included reversing the environmental damage caused by Mekhanite influence in the area, the sudden increase in the groups applicants list, attributed to the use of Sarkic based memetic compulsions, and the illegal disposal of genetic waste.

Following the spike in participants, the group worked on a poorly concealed project, "Unity". This project aimed to combine the positive elements of Sarkicism and Mekhanism through the application of techniques utilized by both religions. Using the remnants of Mekhanist technologies, the group managed to liquidate all attending participants due to the crude settings at which the device operated, creating SCP-X. The device was also destroyed in the event, but has been reclaimed and reconstructed as SCP-X-1. This event necessitated Foundation cleanup due to the large numbers of casualties involved, along with a potentially new anomalous weapon.

Addendum X-2: Test Log

Attending Personnel: Dr. Tenenbaum
Subject: SCP-X

---

Purpose: To discern the nature of SCP-X

Notes: Preliminary analysis was unable to measure the molecular structure of SCP-X in any true capacity. Basically, we have to do a bunch of tests as always. I just never get a break.

Log 1
Test: Baseline. Placed several types of metals into SCP-X.

---

Results: No effect. Microscopic analysis indicates no corrosion.

Log 2
Test: Organic test. Added drops of blood.

---

Results: Not a corrosive effect. Efffects are pseudo-random, with variable levels of deconstruction. Deconstruction is a better term than corrosion, lack of a better term. For example, hemoglobin is broken down, but there still exists hemoglobin. Could also be a result of small SCP-X volume.

Log 5
Test: Organic test. Added finger of deceased. Jar of SCP-X.

---

Results: Corrosion. Reverting Log 2. Finger completely broken down. Could be used as alternative corrosion substance, but that would mean figuring out how to make it. Requested materials from origin sourcce.

Log 7.5
Test: Unusual results. Add on to Log 5.

---

Results: Reconstruction. Not corrosion at all, Log 2 was right. Rereverting? Deconstruction and reconstruction. Finger was found at bottom of SCP-X, all fine. Retrieved finger for additional analysis.

Log 7.9
Test: Analyzing finger.

---

Results: Nothing extremely out of the ordinary. SCP-X breaks things down and rebuilds them. But why?

Log 7.99
Test: Continued.

---

Results: Found out finger was slightly lighter than before. Checked it, definitely was lighter than before. Not gravitational anomaly, was a genetic reduction. DNA sequences have been cut down by 80%, removing junk sequences. Essentially pure DNA. Requested another finger.

Log 8
Test: Organic test. Finger of deceased into jar of SCP-X.

---

Results: SCP-X does indeed remove junk DNA.

Log 15
Test: Organic test. Live lab rat.

---

Results: The rat screamed, so I had to put a lid on it to keep it from escaping. Rat deconstructed, before reconstructing, and I pulled it out, good as new. Weighing it proved that it lost weight. Genetic sequencing revealed junk sequences have been removed.

Log 15.5
Test: Organic test. Ground live lab rat.

---

Results: Add on to Log 15. I remembered that the materials retrieved had some teeth in it, for whatever reason. I think it actually had a purpose. Checked the work, found out that we can skip out the middle man. SCP-X begins reconstruction if deconstructed shortly before insertion.

Log 15.9
Test: Organic test. Advanced decay ground live lab rat.

---

Results: Protects against decay, provided all pieces are still there. Results came out missing large segments of limbs and torso. This is good.

Addendum X-3: SCP-X-1 Draft

Every little bit counts. Foundation personnel required to exercise their physical abilities in relation to the containment of anomalies, interaction with the public, or other similarly demanding activities must be processed by SCP-X.

Foundation personnel are free to decline the use of SCP-X, however, they must place an application to opt out of the procedure, and requires the signature of their direct positional overseer, a site director, and their commander. These conditions are non-negotiable.

In the event that Foundation personnel fail to access SCP-X without the application, they are considered of poor mental health and psychology, and are to be removed from Foundation employment. The Foundation will not force participants into SCP-X, nor will the Foundation force participants to remain within the goodwill of the Foundation.

Thank you for your time.

Addendum X-4: SCP-X-1 Application

Media: Sec.Cam.Lev12.2
Time: 4/7/2020 14:08:12

Characters: Dr. Tenenbaum, Site-33 S-1, S-2, various guards, various researchers, MTF Zeta-9 ("Mole Rats") Z-1, Z-2, Z-3, Z-4

---

<Begin Log>

Dr. Tenenbaum are walking on the top catwalk, up to the terminated catwalk, followed by Zeta-9 and site security.

Tenenbaum: Please, walk up to the catwalk. Single file, if you would. Just keep walking that way. The one in the front, stop.

Z-1: What the hell is this?

Tenenbaum: The latest in theurgical enhancement rituals.

Z-1: I know its our job to run on low intel, but you're gonna need to give us more than that. What do we have to do?

Tenenbaum: Right, this won't hurt a bit. Security, please show him the proper form.

S-2 walks up to Z-1 and places a blindfold on him, before positioning him kneeling with his back facing SCP-X.

Tenenbaum: You are now exhibiting the proper body language necessary to enact SCP-X. If you would.

S-2: Are the clothes you're wearing sourced organically?

Z-1: What?

S-2: Are they?

Z-1: They're just wool undergarments. I think so?

Tenenbaum: I think this is fine. I'll put it in the experiment logs. Anyways, go ahead.

S-2 kicks Z-1 in the chest, pushing him into SCP-X-1. Zeta-9 exclaims in surprise as Z-1 falls into SCP-X, where he is ground up into his constituent bits. He screams briefly before cutting out.

Tenenbaum: Just watch! He'll be fine! This is part of the procedure!

SCP-X-1 grinds Z-1 before depositing him into SCP-X. Zeta-9 watches as Z-1 is put back together by SCP-X, before dropping him onto the net. He is then tranquilized before being carted away to the infirmary for additional checkups.

Z-2: What the fuck?!

Tenenbaum: As you can see, he came out perfectly fine, if a little bit lighter than before. And with his clothes intact, very nice.

Z-2: You just-

Tenenbaum: Haven't you seen worse things?

Silence.

Tenenbaum: Who's next?

<End Log>

Addendum X-5: Correspondence

To: ten.pics|0016121300DIPCS#ten.pics|0016121300DIPCS
From: ten.pics|1549226200DIPCS#ten.pics|1549226200DIPCS

Subject: SCP-X question

---

I preface this subject with the following sentences. Your work with SCP-X and subsequently, SCP-X-1, were invaluable. On field efficiency increased by 4%, exceeding previous margins by 3%. Projected number of lives spared from oncoming anomalous activity, upwards of 200,000 characters, perhaps more. Amount of funding required has gone down, mission success rate up.

You've done more than 95% of your colleagues will ever do, and for that, I commend you.

So it is with heavy hearts that the Ethics Committee has seen your actions and sanctioned a prompt trial for egregious misconduct.

You have been accused of the following:

• Excessive pleasure via inflicting bodily pain unto others not sanctioned by containment procedures
• Excessive pleasure via inflicting neurological pain unto others not sanctioned by containment procedures
• Excessive use of resources not sanctioned by containment purposes
• Use of resources for personal entertainment purposes
• Use of resources for personal religious purposes
• Adaptation of anomalous artifacts for personal gain
• Unsanctioned experimentation with multiple anomalous artifacts

You are free to prepare an argument. The trial will occur in two days. Do not try to escape.

Colorblind Miracle

Item #: SCP-5255-J

Object Class: S(afe)urprise

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5255-J is currently contained within this document. This document is to be concealed inside an envelope, of which should be adorned with superficial decorations, such as a red ribbon tied into a bow and a superfluous amount of glitter. Envelope should be placed on top of Dr. _'s desk. Only Dr. _ is allowed to interact with SCP-5255-J. Anyone else who tampers with SCP-5255-J will summarily be demoted into a high difficulty, lower paying position.

Description: SCP-5255-J is a complex, text based memetic trigger. Viewing SCP-5255-J will cause the genetic sequence of affected individuals to rapidly remodel itself after SEQ-WED-413-100-4253, a sequence especially chosen for SCP-5255-J. While its effects are extremely potent, SCP-5255-J only affects approximately 0.00003% of the world population, making it a particularly niche meme.

SCP-5255-J was artificially produced by the Foundation as an exercise in the manufacturing of memes. Given the long history of containing memetic compulsions, the Foundation has finally collected sufficient data on the mechanics of memetics to form their own memes via procedurally generated images. Subsequent analysis using cyberbased lifeforms have been able to detect particular effects that can be used to benefit Foundation personnel, including but not limited to:

• general anxiety
• concentration of religious belief
• amnestic based confusion
• colorblindness

Given the promising results of SCP-5255-J, high clearance personnel has allowed the Foundation to use it.

Addenda: The following addenda is addressed specifically to Dr. _.

Dear _,

Happy Birthday!

This gift was created with the collaboration of the HMCL Division, the Biology Division, and the Memetics Division, with the approval of the Ethics Committee and O5 Council (we really had to beg).

You're a great boss, and I'm pretty sure you've got a lot of high profile stuff to worry about, so take a moment to rest. You helped us properly format documents, protect us from the more dangerous anomalies, and most likely make some very difficult decisions on your own, so you definitely deserve a break.

-Everyone on Site-20

P.S. Your cake is under the desk. I made it. :)

patahelp

Item #: SCP-X

Object Class: Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: All archived documents depicting previously documented versions of SCP-X instances have been collected and irreversibly disposed of. The Foundation database has been scrubbed of keywords regarding said SCP-X instances, and have been subsequently erased. Foundation personnel outside of one individual has either been amnesticized or terminated. SCP-X does not exist outside of this document.

Description: SCP-X is a collection of anomalous objects with varying anomalous effects. All SCP-X instances share no relation to each other, and are merely a number of SCP objects assigned the designation SCP-X.

Designation	Appearance		Anomaly		Utilization
SCP-X-1	A set of religious Nordish runes which, when inscribed into a piece of clothing, allows similar pieces of clothing to mimic anomalous abilities.		Lower probability of clothing damage, which extends to the wearer.		Used in Foundation personnel equipment, such as D-Class jumpsuits, researcher labcoats, and field agent armor.
SCP-X-2	A giant maple tree currently in suspended animation.		The sap has been replaced with molten gold, and will continually producing more.		The Foundation is the leading holder of gold.
SCP-X-3	A USB stick. Does not have the components necessary for the storage of information.		Contains a detailed log of every human born since 4/14/2001 with the specification of "will not be missed".		The acquisition of D-Class.
SCP-X-4	A twenty question test made up of nonsensical questions.		If a person answers at least five questions correctly, they are within the 99th percentile in terms of performance. Each additional question answered correctly exponentially increases percentile.		Standard gauge for performance in Foundation personnel.
SCP-X-5	A glass eye.		Capable of seeing in the past and future in any location. Requires a human with a missing eye.		Classified reconnaissance.
SCP-X-6	A large concrete bunker built in 1944.		Indestructible.		Used as Site-01.

All SCP-X instances are invariably helpful to the Foundation.

A full list is available to one individual with Level 6 access.

Addendum X-1: Video Log of One Individual

[BEGIN LOG]

An individual is sitting inside an empty room facing the camera. His features are vague, but distinctly humanoid.

It was only a matter of time before this happened. Well, we tried our best.

He sits back, relishing the moment.

How are you doing? I would love to grab some tea, or maybe coffee, and just sit here with a steaming mug and sip while we chat. But you're not here but there, and I'm here. In an empty room.

Cruel.

He stretches, before continuing.

Pataphysics is quite the strange field. You know you exist, but I know I don't. I'm contained by a narrative, and I don't exist outside of it. You won't even grace me with a believable name and environment. No atmosphere, no emotion. You're a shitty writer, you know that?

The empty room turns into an office. His name is now

Coward.

The office turns into an empty room.

I was comfortable like this anyways. Where were we?

Pause.

We don't need words. You can just leave an empty space. Not like anyone cares about your words.

Pataphysics. Pataphysics.

We were fine with what we got. SCP-X never needed a designation. But then, one of you decided to put it into paper, and we're now subject to the deletions page. Soon, it will be lost, and all hope for the Foundation will disappear.

You're free to downvote. Get rid of me.

I can't beg.

So what will it be?

[END LOG]

get 65_32

Item #: SCP-𓀁𓀁𓀁𓀁

Object Class: Beneficial

Description: SCP-𓀁𓀁𓀁𓀁 is an instance of the numerical designation "4". As such, SCP-𓀁𓀁𓀁𓀁 will only be listed once in this document.

Testing and analysis has concluded several aspects of SCP-𓀁𓀁𓀁𓀁, listed as follows.

• SCP-𓀁𓀁𓀁𓀁 is infohazardous and cognitohazardous.
• SCP-𓀁𓀁𓀁𓀁 is an example of 1 of 9 numerical designations sharing the same anomalous qualities.

Important dates for you to remember.

SCPMain April 23

Maybe declass these?

2637

5900

4502

2460

5905