SCP-XXXX, in the crowd.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained within a standard humanoid containment cell, without any access to legal resources. Any prior litigatory actions taken by SCP-XXXX are to be immediately thrown out of court. Any concept previously owned by SCP-XXXX are to be used with appropriate trademark and copyright designations in Foundation documentation, in order to preserve conceptual integrity of these ideas, until the claim expires.
SCP-XXXX is permitted a guest spot on Judge Judy's filming as a bailiff biannually.
Description: SCP-XXXX is the designation for Hebediah Oriah Oman, a 52 year old man of Arabic descent. SCP-XXXX displays reality-bending powers concerning conceptual existence when litigating in a court of law. Utilizing international courts, SCP-XXXX has gained the trademarks for a variety of individual concepts, including
- Rain™
- A Slight Breeze™
- Willow Tree™
- Loneliness™
- Cardboard™
- E™
- Litter™
- Drinking™
- Construction™
SCP-XXXX is able to control the use of these concepts to any extent. For example, SCP-XXXX revoked the rights for the State of California to use Rain™, leading to lengthy droughts within the state. In another event, SCP-XXXX briefly controlled Euphoria™, which allowed for SCP-XXXX to corner the illicit drug market. SCP-XXXX was convicted on related charges, and transferred to Foundation containment.
Audio Log
Note: Attached is a transcript of a scrapped episode of Judge Judy in which SCP-XXXX participated. SCP-XXXX was attempting to sue Marcus Viajere, a 42 year old man, over unlawful use of Lawnmowing™.
<BEGIN LOG>
Voiceover: Will the mysterious prosecution manage to wrestle control of the glorious John Deere from Mr. Viajere? We'll have to wait and see.
(The scene begins in the middle of SCP-XXXX's opening statement.)
XXXX: That's why, your honor, I state he's illegally using my trademark. The blades of grass he cut? Illegal, I tell you. He did it without my knowledge.
Viajere: I told you, I said that- You see- I had no idea that such a trademark even existed! It's preposterous, "lawnmowing" isn't even a brand! It's ridiculous, outrageous, and demeaning, in every sense of the word itself! Terrible, what this world has come to!
(Judge Judy bangs her gavel. Viajere falls silent.)
Judge: Ignorance of the law is no excuse, Mr. Viajere.
XXXX: Quite frankly, your honor, there's another crime being committed in this courtroom. That of blatant lying.
Judge: Care to elaborate, Mr. Oman?
XXXX: You see, Ms. Judge Judy ma'am, I very distinctly did not hear a "tee em" at the end of that Lawnmowing™.
Judge: Well, surely that doesn't extend to verbal use of the word itself, no? Nothing in the bylaws themselves… (Judge Judy begins to rustle around in her papers.)
XXXX: Well, check the suggested charges for the mister here.
(The bailiff confirms an extra count has been added on to Mr. Viajere's copyright infringement charge.)
XXXX: Told you, what'd I say? (SCP-XXXX smirks and shrugs, before a quiet ringing goes off. SCP-XXXX removes his phone from his pocket.)
XXXX: Looks like my SOUs for another two trademarks've been sent out, right on time. How neat.
Viajere: Oh, gods. Imagine how many many more people he'll kill off, how many companies will die because of this, Your Honor!
XXXX: Tut tut. It's God™ and Kill™ as of a minute ago, buddy. That's another two counts.
(Viajere begins to speak. Only a heavily garbled, throaty sound comes out, as he begins to be cleaved in two. When it is confirmed that Viajere no longer has a pulse, his body spontaneously disappears.)
Judge: My god.
XXXX: God™. It's God™.
(Judge Judy bangs her gavel. No counts of murder were ever brought up against SCP-XXXX. When the video was presented in court during SCP-XXXX's drug possession trial, it was thrown out for being 'clearly falsified evidence.')
<END LOG>
