the burrow

howdy there motherfuckers, here are some reasons why platypodes¹ are superior to all other animals and honestly are pretty neat

1. the first scientists to examine a preserved platypus body judged it a fake, made of several animals sewn together²
2. platypuses are one of the few species of venomous mammals. males have venomous spurs on their hind feet that are pretty dang painful, it can kill dogs³
3. they lay eggs⁴
4. they dont have tits, they literally just sweat milk and babies drink it⁵
5. baby platypuses⁶ don't look any different from grown-ups except theyre smaller. like fur and everything⁷
6. lookit this adorable lil guy. cute, isn’t he? he’s consumed the bodies and souls of over ██████ mortals who displeased him. these adorable eldritch horrors cannot be denied for fear of instigating at least ████████████ xk-class end-of-the-world scenarios also 682 will breach containment. that’s just an angry platypus at 10% power. you don’t want that? i figured you wouldn’t. all you have to do to save us all from this torture is support us in the eternal war against the axolotls by upvoting all plaidypus articles.⁸
7. do you really want perry the platypus kicking down your door? just look at this shit

draft link	sauce link
Over the Moon	yeet

Footnotes

1. yes that's the rightish term but platypuses is better and dont even fucking think about saying platypi

2. wow so fascinating

3. oof ouch owie my dogs

4. everyone knows that but its still here

5. no boobs for the boys :(

6. or "puggles"

7. wack

8. unless you don’t like them much