Hey, everybody, just get yourselves settled in and I’ll start. Yes, there’s snacks, no, they’re not great. The Item Request form got sent late this month, so, uh… maybe get a job here in 4 weeks and we’ll see?
Tougher crowd than the last one. That’s fine. I get it. No, really, I understand the reputation this facility has. I heard a couple of you snickering about it when you walked in. Don’t be ashamed — I don’t blame you. Plus, I already heard you anyway. No grudges held here, promise.
But yeah. Site-37. The “dump site”, as a lot of our other-facility coworkers have started calling it. There’s a feeling attached to a place people spread rumours about. Yeah, we know the rumours, that it’s an HR management ground for problems and all the shitty skips nobody wants to deal with. I’m here to tell you… you’re not completely wrong.
There’s a reason you’re all being oriented for a department called “General Research”. I’m sure most of you haven’t heard about something like that; not that it’s outlandish, but it’s not expected with all the different fields of study the Foundation has on top of real-world science. Can see a couple memeticists and anti-memeticists here. I’d advise not mixing your vials.
Sorry, I’ve gotten off track. Hi there! I’m Dr. Fenton, and I’m the newly promoted head of General Research here at Secure Containment Facility 37.
Yeah, only a month into the job. I know some of you may have been familiar with Johnathan Noxworthy, my predecessor. Well, he’s my predecessor for a reason. Not even HR could find an excuse for his talent anymore.
So, what *is* General Research? Exactly what it says on the box. Our department encompasses all fields of research done at the Foundation, save for experimentation — those guys actually got their own department a few years ago. Because Site-37 gets personnel from all across the broad range of Foundation employees, what we get in terms of sizeable specifics isn't a lot. So no Pataphysics Department, no Memetics Department, no Tactical Theology, and no Department of Humanoid Containment. We have Seigal, Tawney, Thaddentine, and HR. Human Resources is basically working hand in hand with us for humanoids. You’ll learn to like them, assuming you’re not rock-bottom with your feelings about HR already.
But yeah. It’s not that we’re a small department — we’re the largest at 37 in overall staff count — it’s just that we’re filled with so many different types of people and research. The O5s barely justify sending us the right cereal every month, they’re not wasting resources on an entire wing for our one tactical theologian. And yes, he’s the only one. TacTheo does anything in their power not to send us any more.
I’m seeing some strange looks around the room, mostly from newbies and young’uns. Yes, the O5 Council is real. We’re not going to try and give you a brain hemorrhage over that one; O5-10 literally comes here every other week to check in. Well, they’re also technically in command of the HR Department, but I like to think they check in on us.
Well, that’s General Research. If history has told me anything, you’re all going to be working here for awhile. So buckle up and bunker down. You’ll be escorted to the facility’s near-Site living quarters by our provisional task force. Near-Site living is a thing, yes. You’ll be paired with someone else. You can ask the agents their task force callsign. I think it’s neat.
Thank you all for coming, and I’m excited to stick around!
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I’m glad you few actually read your emails and stuck by. You’re probably all familiar with one another at some level, and that’s why I wanted to talk to you all… separately.
You’re experienced with the Foundation. I’ve looked over all your HR documents — I know you’re all veterans, highly skilled, and-slash-or on a guaranteed path to promotion. Or, you were. So I know this transfer seems like a huge demotion.
Well, I’m not going to just lie to your faces: It is. It actively is a demotion to come work here. There are 3 reasons someone at your levels of experience and clearances gets transferred here:
One, you made a really bad mistake but are still worth it to the Foundation and your mistake didn’t warrant immediate termination. I’m talking about becoming, like, an HR or PR or containment nightmare.
Two, an O5 or some other member of personnel with more seniority and authority hates your guts, and convinced Director Li to get you out of their Site. Yeah, unfair, we know. Director Stanford Li, Human Resources. You need to know that name — he’s basically synonymous with the Site Director at this point.
Three, you asked to move here. Lots of reasons to, actually. HR help right around the hallway corner. Less yearly containment breaches. Easier access to counselling. A “we’re trying our best” attitude. That’s why I asked to get transferred here. The, breach thing, not the other ones. If you couldn’t tell, tree arm.
Glad nobody asked about that.
Agent Leah Murphy was having a shit day.
Days at the Foundation had a tendency to go on a downwards spiral quickly. It started for Murphy from the moment she woke up this morning, on the wrong side of the bed. With hair in her mouth. She slept past her breakfast alarm - the alarm she kept to make sure all the good food from the bakery down the street wouldn't be gone from the droves of nine-to-fivers. The tank on her car was almost empty, so the drive to 19 was interrupted by a pit-stop at some dingy highway gas station. The kind with far too many cars and far too many people.
When she arrived at the facility, it didn't get much better. Her commanding officer began to off on her for being late on the 3rd day in a row. Leah, against better judgement, decided to talk back, and ended up with task force laundry duty for the rest of the month. It didn't help the Hatters had just come back from some trash-dump mission.
After 3 hours of washing sludge off vests and hazmat suits, she went back to her assigned duty. Currently, Murphy was a member of Iota-1. She'd been moved around a lot between units in the past, but the Mister Hunters were her team for the last 6 months, and she liked it. Used to like it. It was an easier job; since the Misters series was presumably done, beyond a few odd numbers here and there, they were mostly just responsible for keeping the ones contained in line. And she did that for awhile, became acquaintance with a couple. Fun, and with the smaller task force, she got to know all her teammates pretty closely, especially since they all needed to live near each other off-Site. In her 5 years of employment at the Foundation, Agent Leah Murphy considered her placement on the Mister Hunters to have been the best thing that happened to her.
Until Halloween.
Halloween, 2011. For the first time in a long time, Director Tilda Moose allowed the Misters to come out and celebrate among the staff and other humanoid anomalies. Leah Murphy was 5 months into her job as a member of Iota-1, and after an excellent ability to work with the quirky group, was brought in to be their monitors that night.
A lot of things happened after Halloween. The Misters got placed under hard lock and key for the next few weeks, while the research team scrambled to understand what happened with Moon. It wasn't even that a lot of damage was done - the cleanup was an inconvenience at worst. But the fact the quote-on-quote breach happened in the first place was seen as a huge fault of Murphy. She got reprimanded, with lowered pay and a severe warning-slash-lecture from two Site Directors at the same time. Even if she wasn't the only one on anomaly duty that night, she was the one responsible for the Misters, and she clearly underestimated what they were capable of.
Her reputation at 19 was dashed. Even if her punishment wasn't that bad, the real pain came from how the rest of the staff would look at her, and talk about her. She was responsible for the "soap incident", she "almost drowned Clef", she "showed serious irresponsibility". Eventually, Leah Murphy snapped. Her sardonic-yet-positive personality changed to one constantly filled with negativity, aggression issues, and a terrible outlook on the rest of the Site. A lot of her friends turned away from her because of that - even the ones who never said anything bad about her were constantly subject to outbursts of emotion. With not a lot of people to yell at, she eventually turned her attention to the Misters.
The other members of Iota-1 were surprised, to say the least, that Director Moose insisted on Murphy staying on the team. Not that they objected, they just saw it strange to keep Murphy working with the skips that somewhat trashed her reputation. Murphy thought it was pretty strange too; in fact, she hated it. She hated them. Every time they were needed for questioning, every time they were let out freely, even a month after the Halloween incident, she would poke and prod them, yell, act aggressive, and basically bully them around. It wasn't a healthy way to take out her anger, and it wasn't good for the anomalies either. Site-19 tried to pride itself on being less of a strict facility as others like 17. It didn't do them a lot of good to have the facility's least-favorite task force agent carting skips around and treating them like objects. Worse than objects.
On Agent Leah Murphy's shit day, she received a message.
Special Containment Procedures: Individuals found to have been affected by SCP-XXXX are to be collected and contained for further research. All “Old Navy” locations across the United States of America and Canada are currently closed for public business. MTF-Iota-00 and City Slickers are to occupy said stores to prevent public discovery of the anomaly. The “Old Navy” board of directors are to be found and contained through a joint effort between the SCP Foundation and the Global Occult Coalition, under Joint Task Force Alpha-06 “Pantwashers”. JTF Alpha-06 has permission to terminate individuals should they pose a harm to humanity or the veil.
Description: SCP-XXXX designates a group of related anomalies involving the Old Navy clothing company.
Nameless Mediocre
Marceline_Raynes
ThatGuyThatTime
NDHeckfire
Rounderhouse
CityToast
MoreWorldliness
winkwonkboi
IndustryStandard
TroutMaskReplica