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Translations:

F.A.Q.

5/XXXX LEVEL 5/XXXX

CLASSIFIED

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Neutralized

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Emergency conference held at the UN General Assembly for discussion regarding SCP-XXXX.

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Special Containment Procedures:

As of 05/03/2021, SCP-XXXX has been neutralized through the joint efforts of staff of the SCP Foundation. OPERATION CHILLDOWN shall continue for the next two weeks to accomplish the complete neutralization of SCP-XXXX's effects.

▶︎Archived Special Containment Procedures◀︎

Due to the extensive damage by SCP-XXXX's effects, the SCP Foundation is to allocate the necessary resources to OPERATION CHILLDOWN as soon as possible. Research is ongoing to determine the most appropriate neutralization process of SCP-XXXX.

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SCP-XXXX, neutralized. This image is safe for viewing.

Description:

SCP-XXXX is an unbranded pair of men's boxers. Prior to its neutralization, visually inspecting SCP-XXXX derived an anomalous urge to identify the "front" and the "back" of the boxers. The severity of this effect corresponded to the duration of exposure to SCP-XXXX. The effects ranged from mild confusion and forgetfulness to severe paranoia and mania.

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Discovery:

The exact origin of SCP-XXXX is of yet, unknown. However, SCP-XXXX's effects began to become prominent on 24/02/2021, after several individuals began to organize a protest in Washington D.C., United States, regarding SCP-XXXX. Foundation agents Staum MacDonnell and Alan Gerryland, under the guise of news reporters, approached the group for possible insight into SCP-XXXX.

Interview XXXX.03

▶︎Open◀︎

Interviewer: Agent MacDonnell
Interviewed: Protestors
Cameraman: Agent Gerryland

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<Begin Log>

Agent MacDonnell stands at a distance from the crowd, with a cue card in hand and facing the camera.

MacDonnell: (continued) …second time this week. Officials have been puzzled by the sudden outburst of emotion from this group of individuals, who are arguing for what seems to be a pair of men's underwear. (whisper) D- do I necessarily have to read the entire fucking script?

The camera motions up and down several times.

MacDonnell: (whisper) Oh for f- you know what, fine, fine.

Agent MacDonnell draws a big breath before continuing.

MacDonnell: To gain more information about their main motivations of protest, we will interview one of these, uh, people.

Agent MacDonnell approaches one of the protestors. The individual is semi-nude, only wearing a pair of khaki-colored baggy pants.

MacDonnell: Sir?

Protestor: (shouts) What?

MacDonnell: We- ah fuck. (shout) We are from, uh, Fax News, and we would like to ask you some questions.

Protestor: (shouts) What? I can't hear you over this shouting!

Agent MacDonnell turns his head and glances at Agent Gerryland, with his eyebrows raised, eyes widened, and lips pursed. He then turns back to the protestor.

MacDonnell: (shouts) Are. You. Free. To. Answer. Some. Questions.

Protestor: (shouts) Yes. I. Am.

MacDonnell: (shouts) Could. You. Step. To. The. Side. Please.

Protestor: (shouts) Sure.

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Extraneous conversation truncated.

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The protestor, with Agents MacDonnell and Gerryland move to a quieter location. Agent MacDonnell faces the camera and motions to come closer.

MacDonnell: (whisper) Hey, you got some Hacks?

The camera motions up and down. Agent MacDonnell reaches out and grabs a few packets from Agent Gerryland's hand, before placing them in his mouth.

MacDonnell: (muffled) God, that fucked up my throat really bad.

Agent MacDonnell chews, and quickly swallows, before turning to the protestor.

MacDonnell: Ah, yes, we, uh, have here one of the protestors. Uh, may we know your name?

The camera focuses on the protestor, who continues to stare down at presumably, Agent MacDonnell's feet.

MacDonnell: S- sir? Sir?

Agent MacDonnell exchanges uncertain glances with Agent Gerryland, and positions his left hand to his left temple, before twirling it in a circle.

Protestor: Ah, yes, yes. W- what did you ask me?

MacDonnell: Y- your name.

Protestor: Oh, that show? Oh yeah, it was-

MacDonnell: Y- your literal name.

Protestor: Oh, uh… Fred.

MacDonnell: Alright, Fred. First question, why-

Protestor: Hey, uh.

MacDonnell: Yeah?

Protestor: Could you, uh. Wait, what's your name?

MacDonnell: Staum. Staum MacDonnell.

Protestor: Oh, okay. Uh, Staum, could I uh, ask something?

MacDonnell: Sure…?

Protestor: C- could I see your underwear?

MacDonnell: …what? Uh, no dude, just… no.

Protestor: Oh, come on, Staum. Buddy. Friend. Let me just-

MacDonnell: Dude, stop! Why- why the fuck?

Protestor: I need to know-

MacDonnell: Fuck! Gerry, you son of a- help me out here! And stop reco-

<End Log>